Help me

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2005
Help me
4
Mon, 11-21-2005 - 10:53am

I need some advice. I will give a short background first.

About a year ago I flirted (talked only) with a guy at work and my husband found out about it. I was not honest at first when he asked me if there was a guy at work I was talking to but came clean very quickly. He thinks I did more than talk.

Last week at my new job a guy said I was cute but I said right away I was married. He is younger than me so I told him about my sister and then that was the end of the conversation. I called my sister and told her about it, and I was happy that at 30 Some guys still think I am cute. I did not know but my husband was recording my calls. He asked me if I had talked with anyone at work, I said no, I did not want to start anything especially when there was nothing going on. Anyway, he told me he was recording them and he knew. So I once again came clean. Now, I can see that he may have a hard time trusting me, but now he is convinced that I am seeing some one at work. I work at department store so he came up there last night and stayed my whole shift (4-10:30) I went to the bathroom one time and he followed me to the back. When I got home he started naming off descriptions of different guys asking which one was it. I stayed at the register in the front of the store all night except for when I went to the bathroom. He says that he is leaving and that maybe one day I will tell the truth. I have told the truth and it is killing me that he doesn't believe me. I don't know what to do. Any suggestions would be great. By the way we have 2 boys, age 11 and 6 and he left them home while he was watching me at work.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: mom_nicole30
Mon, 11-21-2005 - 2:09pm

I don't understand why you would have lied about the 2nd incident. There was nothing you did wrong. Is your husband a jealous type who over-reacts normally?

Honestly, you have a husband who records your phone calls (without your knowledge until he found something to use against you) and who babysits you at work. Why are you putting up with that from him?

While flirting (seriously) is wrong, there is nothing wrong with being friendly. (Just how bad of flirting did you do and how did your DH find out about it?) And you haven't done anything to warrant this degree of reaction from your DH. I think he's got issues. And I'd be worried what type of men your sons are going to grow up to be.

Jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: mom_nicole30
Mon, 11-21-2005 - 6:10pm

Reading this all I can hear is ding ding ding ding ding....Those are the red flags going off with each line of this post.


About a year ago I flirted (talked only) with a guy at work and my husband found out about it. I was not honest at first when he asked me if there was a guy at work I was talking to but came clean very quickly. He thinks I did more than talk.


To talk about the ills of this type of behavior and how detrimental it is to relationship at this point is

Peace,

Di

***If you cannot define yourself, your circumstances will.***

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: mom_nicole30
Tue, 11-22-2005 - 1:01am

Something's missing here. What else has happened to warrant this level of concern/suspicion from your husband?


I ask because what you're saying doesn't fit. Men who are crazy suspicious and controlling have wives who are afraid to so much as look at a stranger on the street for fear of the grilling they'll get as a result. And women who live with men like this do not go along happily chatting up men (innocent or no) without fully knowing what's in store for them. Dirextor mentioned more that doesn't fit -- store security ignoring a six-hour lurker (especially one who's hanging around one particular area), etc. And if your husband is the type to grill you about store customers, being grilled about men is nothing new for you.


Can you fill in what's missing?







~ cl-2nd_life

"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."

~ Author unknown

my signature exchange partner:








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
In reply to: mom_nicole30
Tue, 11-22-2005 - 6:41pm

Following on from the previous posters, I too have questions rather than answers. (Forgive me if I repeat anyone else's questions)

First of all, tapping someone's phone without a court order is illegal. Why have you not reported this to the police? Also, do you know for sure that he's tapping your phone....or could he be calling your bluff?

If he IS tapping your phone and your conversations were all above board, then he's got no reason to be jealous, has he?

Lastly, and writing as a mother, I don't buy that you KNEW that your kids were at home unattended but you just kept on working. If I was in that situation, I'd move heaven and earth to ensure my children were safe. Why did you not do something to ensure their safety?

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace