Help: Need Advice-- Down Low?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2006
Help: Need Advice-- Down Low?
2
Wed, 04-05-2006 - 11:33pm
I have been dating a guy 40 yrs old for over a year, we broke up for two mos. and he started dating someone else immediately. Now we're back together, I've noticed how much his boys are around him not (sitting around drinking, riding to each other's house etc). There are about 4-5 guys (mostly he grew up with) same age who are not in any type of steady relationship. One friend he calls his brother lives at home with his mother, 40 years old and seems to be around all the time. He normally leaves by telling my boyfriend he loves him while my bfriend says something like, "Go ahead with that sensitive stuff". Some of my suspicions are: 1. when he and I first got together he shaved his chest and private area, 2. he always sits down to use the bathroom (so he doesn't have to worry about getting anything on the seat), and 3. when we use to make love he on occasion said, "I need to be f--ed" while in the middle of me riding him. Since we have been back together, my gfriend suggested me playing around his anal area. Well after some resistance from him, he now moans and I finally was able to put my finger in there...and I know my anus is a virgin and it's pretty tight however I didn't have to apply much force to his. It didn't fall in, however I didn't feel the tightness. I have now started to make comments to him about the time he spends with these friends and he has cut back alot. What originally caused my concern was when a friend call and he commented he was going to get something to eat and my bfriend said jokingly I have something you can eat. Then another time a guy from work called about 11:30 while out drinking just to tell him to come over and suck his --. Although my boyfriend say they joke like that, I find it strange that 40 yr olds talk like this. Is it me or is there a valid reason for suspicion?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 04-05-2006 - 11:52pm

At 40 years old, he is who he is.

Peace,

Di

***If you cannot define yourself, your circumstances will.***

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-06-2006 - 2:10am

I would think if he's trying to hide a down low lifestyle, he'd act extra-manly around you. I'd think he'd do anything but make suggestive comments to his friends, he'd be scared you'd find him out! I do though, that if the things you've mentioned are new changes for him (shaving, sitting, comments to his friends) it seems odd and suspicious. But, if they're not new, I don't think they're at all necessarily indications of him being bi. If you're at all concerned, I expect you're insisting that he use a condom when you're having sex with him, putting your life in danger is not something you should consider doing. I'm sure you know where the statistics are, you don't want to be one of the women who winds up positive for HIV because you "didn't know" for sure. If there's any chance he's sleeping with anyone else -- male or female -- use a condom. If he doesn't like it, he doesn't get to sleep with you, it's as simple as that.


I agree with Dirextor that the best thing to do is just ask him. And maybe this is a good time to ask yourself if this relationship is really where you want to be. Why did you break up? Why did you get back together? What changed to make it workable this time?







~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"