Help Needed-Very Tensed Plz help
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| Tue, 05-16-2006 - 3:47pm |
Hi,
I'm tensed for last couple of months & don't know what to do. Reason for my tension is, Right now we're in Canada, been here for couple of years, This was my hubby decision to come to Canada & settle down here. But now I don't know for last couple of months (around 9 mths), he is become more religious, spend most of his time in meditation, reading religious books etc, we're satsangi's & now he wants to go back to India & spend his rest of the life in Bhakti(devotion), meditation & Seeva ( his Service).
But I don't want to go to India back, he just wants to earn basic there & spend rest of the time in devotion(satsang). I spoke to him but no use. Now what u should think I have to do, I have some options or let me know other options
1) I'm working lady, earn so so money for basic life. Do I have to stay here??? But the think is I really love my hubby so much & I can't think to live without him & another thing nobody is here, my family is in back India.
2) Go with him but then there life will be hell for me & the whole life I'll feel that I did wrong decision.
3) Or stay here sometime & afterwards if I feel to go back to India then will join him.
Thing is his background (I mean financially) is not very strong. I am honest & always supportive to him. & coming to Canada was his decision, although I was not want to come that time. But now he doesn't want to understand my feelings. We have no kids yet. Plz Help me. I'm very tensed, I need ur honest opinions.
Eagerly waiting for ur response

Welcome to the board, Jytoi26 ~
Does your husband understand how much you aren't happy with either of your options and that you're considering not going back with him? I would think if he knew he would be more willing to discuss the problem and try to reach a solution that takes you into consideration. It sounds like if you go back to India he expects you to be the financial support for both of you. Are you the biggest support for the two of you now? Is it not possible for him to reconsider the amount of time he spends in his faith in India so that he would work more and be more of a financial support there? Is it possible for you to tell him he'll have to find an alternate source of support in India because you're unwilling to support him? Are your parents and his of the traditional Indian thinking or are they more modern? Have you spoken to them about this problem? If so, what do they think? In my culture (U.S.) I would tell you that he's changed what was agreed upon at the time of your marriage and *deciding* that you're going to support his newfound devotion isn't acceptable. However, even then, he's still free to follow his devotion, it would be up to you to refuse to participate and that would likely mean leaving the marriage.
It sounds like at this point neither staying without him and going back are things that you'd be happy with. In the end, you can't control what someone else does, you can only make decisions for yourself; just like he can only choose for him, you can only choose for you. It may come down to having to decide which you'd rather have happen; stay here without him or go back to India with him.
I'm sure I haven't been much help at this point, I hope you'll give me some feedback on what I've said so I know a little more about your situation and what might be a workable solution for you.
~ cl-2nd_life"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"