help!! urgent!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2004
help!! urgent!!!
6
Tue, 09-12-2006 - 6:36pm
To make a long story short....my husband and I have been married 3 years. My parents and husband had a hating relationship until after the wedding (which my parent attended but lots of animosity flowed through the air), both husband and parents have faults behind this. to this day my husband feels that they did him wrong, and all the rude, disrespectful things he did are because of me..(not the point).....anyways, my parents felt bad and since they were retiring gave us their house with a mortgage about half paid off. since housing prices rose my husband decided to take out a line of credit on the house and has been looking for a business to purchase. (he currently hates his job but gets paid 6 figures so can't quit).
my parents moved out of state and purchased a hotel/motel. It is taking a toll on them and they need to borrow around 100,000-200,000 to fix up the place. my dad has been looking around for private loans since the banks are not approving another loan for him. my mother asked me if we can loan them the money for approx a year until things pick up at their new place. i trust my parents with the money and to give it back...
i wan to be objective and see how my husband might react to the news. he is very.....weird when it comes to my family. and he was looking to start a business. would it be selfish of me to ask for the money to loan my parents for one year??? please help. my mom needs to know asap... and i do not know what or how to ask my husband....thank in advance
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2006
Tue, 09-12-2006 - 7:30pm
I would bring it up to him and let him know that your parents want to borrow the money...what can it hurt? He may get angry, but at least you will know where he stands. If you dont agree with his point of view...let him know....your parents situation should not make waves in your relationship, though. Just talk it out...listen to one another, and hear what each other is saying....then come to a decision.
Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-13-2006 - 12:37am

Welcome back Haerim0328 ~ I won’t be able to get to your post for a bit yet as I have to relinquish the computer to my daughter for a little homework, but I wanted to provide the links to your previous post as soon as I could so that others who might be able to get to your post before I do can get a better feel for your situation and history and as a result be better able to offer thoughts and suggestions that fit your actual situation and can be more helpful to you.

You might read through your old posts too, many find reading their old posts very helpful and enlightening; they're able to see situations more clearly than they could when they were in the middle of them and are able to see improvement, or lack of, in their situations. I hope you find it as enlightening as many do:


help husband thinks i am cheating!!!

I'll be back as soon as I can!







~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-13-2006 - 2:26am
From what you said in your last post, it sounds like your parents had good insight into your husband and good reason to dislike him.


I assume that your parents and your husband never reconciled their relationship? Did your husband not soften at all when they gave you such a great deal on their house?


It would seem to me that your husband should feel a sense of obligation in lending them the money they need considering the house deal they gave you, but it's impossible to say for certain since I have no idea how much the house is worth, or how much it afforded you. It's not important that you tell us any amounts, you know and that's all that matters. What I don't understand is why you have to ask your husband for the money to loan your parents and why would that be selfish? Does he have all control and final say on money matters? Maybe I misunderstand your statement, but it sounds like you're asking him rather than discussing the issue and letting him know what you think. From the way you've worded your post it sounds like you don't expect the conversation with your husband to go well, and it sounds like loaning them the money would mean putting his business plans on hold? I have to ask this, Haerim, do you trust a man who cheats on you to use your money to build a business for himself?








~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2004
Wed, 09-13-2006 - 1:11pm
sorry i was so upset yesterday i didn't realize i posted here too...here is an update of what happened yesterday
update!! so that was yesterday...i talked to my husband about it last night and he blew up...said that they probably won't be able to pay it back..what am i going to to then?? he even brought up divorce. which was shocking to me, (made me think that if my parents didnt give us the house than he wouldve divorced me....) he said thats not what he meant.. he meant that a year later he will probably keep asking when my parents will pay it back (esp since hotels cost a lot and you never know if it'll make a turna round) and ill defend my parents and we will always be fighting which will lead to great animosity and eventually divorce. this morning he told me to tell them that i havent talked to him yet and he will think more.
we are supposed to go to visit them next month (already bought plane tickets). hubby says that it is a double edged sword. if we do say yes..him and me ( our relationship will be rocky) and if we say no our parents will be upset with us. either way it sucks. what shoul di do?? thank for all your advice
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2003
Thu, 09-14-2006 - 11:10am

Hi Haerim, I personally think that since your parents have been financially supportive of you and your husband and gave you a house, it is the "right thing to do" to help them in return. If your husband can not see past his own selfishness and acknowledge the generosity of your parents, he must be a real cad. His dramatic reactions to your bringing up of the subject is troublesome also. He may benefit from some counselling. Now, if you didn't have the money, I could understand explaining to your parents you don't have the funds to help them. But, if there is enough money in that house for your husband to consider buying a business, there is enough to help out your parents.

Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2004
Thu, 09-14-2006 - 1:46pm

To me, your parents were generous enough to both you and HIM that they gave you both that property--when they didn't have to give you two anything. He didn't purchase that home from them, so his being affronted by them asking for a loan against the property is a little overbearing.

I feel your husband needs to forgive them for how they treated with him early on in your relationship. They changed their tack when you got married and them giving you that property is clear evidence of that. Your husband is punishing them after the fact instead of forgiving them. I think that your parents need to speak to him, face to face, and ask him--to his face--to forgive them. If he chooses to be spiteful not forgive them, then everyone will know the depth of his contempt for them.. and quite frankly, I don't see how he can live with himself by taking something of that kind of value from them and still look himself in the eye and feel good in light of how he has proceeded for all of these years.

Hard as it might be to take by your parents, if you can put off telling them of your husband's decision til you go to visit them, do so. Let him put his intolerance of them to their face, not use you as the go-between. He's grown enough to take this tack, let him be grown enough to take his lashings for it. There is no need for you to take it for him.