help...parents/husband/money problems!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2004
help...parents/husband/money problems!!
4
Wed, 09-13-2006 - 11:41am

I posted this on another board but got no responses....more happened and the after math questions apply to this board...please help....

To make a long story short....my husband and I have been married 3 years. My parents and husband had a hating relationship until after the wedding (which my parent attended but lots of animosity flowed through the air), both husband and parents have faults behind this. to this day my husband feels that they did him wrong, and all the rude, disrespectful things he did are because of me..(not the point).....anyways, my parents felt bad and since they were retiring gave us their house with a mortgage about half paid off. since housing prices rose my husband decided to take out a line of credit on the house and has been looking for a business to purchase. (he currently hates his job but gets paid 6 figures so can't quit).
my parents moved out of state and purchased a hotel/motel. It is taking a toll on them and they need to borrow around 100,000-200,000 to fix up the place. my dad has been looking around for private loans since the banks are not approving another loan for him. my mother asked me if we can loan them the money for approx a year until things pick up at their new place. i trust my parents with the money and to give it back...
i wan to be objective and see how my husband might react to the news. he is very.....weird when it comes to my family. and he was looking to start a business. would it be selfish of me to ask for the money to loan my parents for one year??? please help. my mom needs to know asap... and i do not know what or how to ask my husband....thank in advance

update!! so that was yesterday...i talked to my husband about it last night and he blew up...said that they probably won't be able to pay it back..what am i going to to then?? he even brought up divorce. which was shocking to me, (made me think that if my parents didnt give us the house than he wouldve divorced me....) he said thats not what he meant.. he meant that a year later he will probably keep asking when my parents will pay it back (esp since hotels cost a lot and you never know if it'll make a turna round) and ill defend my parents and we will always be fighting which will lead to great animosity and eventually divorce. this morning he told me to tell them that i havent talked to him yet and he will think more.
we are supposed to go to visit them next month (already bought plane tickets). hubby says that it is a double edged sword. if we do say yes..him and me ( our relationship will be rocky) and if we say no our parents will be upset with us. either way it sucks. what shoul di do?? please help me...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-13-2006 - 11:53am

Haerim, you posted your situation on this board yesterday and did get responses.








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2004
Wed, 09-13-2006 - 9:55pm

If all the banks that your father has tried to get loans from see this as a risky proposition, then your husband is right to be concerned as well. It's a huge amount of money and there is no way to know for sure that the hotel would be profitable enough for them to pay it back in a year. It sounds like your parents may not have a good eye for investment opportunities either if they spent every penny they had on a hotel that needed such extensive repairs. That is another reason for concern.

In general, it's very often a bad idea loaning money to family members. If a bank gave them a loan, then the propery would be collateral and they could repossess. If your husband gives them a loan, there's nothing he can do if they don't pay him that wouldn't upset you. It seems like your husband is wise to not want to do this. As mad as they might be if he refuses (although they don't have the right to demand that kind of money from him), things would likely be much worse if he did make the loan.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Thu, 09-14-2006 - 4:12pm

I agree with kellyann_25 to an extent.

Defleppardgal

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2004
Fri, 09-15-2006 - 12:33pm

To me, your parents were generous enough to both you and HIM that they gave you both that property--when they didn't have to give you two anything. He didn't purchase that home from them, so his being affronted by them asking for a loan against the property is a little overbearing.

I feel your husband needs to forgive them for how they treated with him early on in your relationship. They changed their tack when you got married and them giving you that property is clear evidence of that. Your husband is punishing them after the fact instead of forgiving them. I think that your parents need to speak to him, face to face, and ask him--to his face--to forgive them. If he chooses to be spiteful not forgive them, then everyone will know the depth of his contempt for them.. and quite frankly, I don't see how he can live with himself by taking something of that kind of value from them and still look himself in the eye and feel good in light of how he has proceeded for all of these years.

Hard as it might be to take by your parents, if you can put off telling them of your husband's decision til you go to visit them, do so. Let him put his intolerance of them to their face, not use you as the go-between. He's grown enough to take this tack, let him be grown enough to take his lashings for it. There is no need for you to take it for him.