He's becoming posessive....
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| Wed, 05-31-2006 - 2:54pm |
Hey,
I'm new to this board so hi to all! Here is a little background information. I just recently got married, a few months ago. My husband and I have a very loving, very affectionate relationship. Now that we're married, however I find that he's becoming jealous and kind of posessive. Firstly, he keeps making comments about how I'm much more attractive than him and that. He's just gone on a diet. He had put on a bit of weight and it made him self conscious, even affected our sex life. We're working on that and I try to tell him that I find him as attractive as ever, which I do, I'm crazy about him. He goes on about how he doesn't deserve me and how perfect I am, which I hate. He doesn't like it if I wear a short skirt and gets angry if another guy so much as looks at me. He was NEVER like this before. He is a really sweet and caring person.
Also, I moved here from the UK to be with him. We had dated there for a year then came to the States and got married. I do get very homesick at times and I guess I do kind of feel like I had to give up everything. I think this is what's causing him to become posessive. Basically, he's terrified that one day I'll just pick up and go back there. He even said jokingly that he'd have to get me pregnant to 'seal the deal'. I want to add that he has no reason to think that I would leave him. I'm trying my best to make a new start here but I'm not allowed to work yet because of immigration. It has been difficult, we have financial problems but I want this marriage to work. I think that this change in him is because of my being homesick, I hope it is. How do I make him see that I'm not going anywhere? Any advice?

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Shelly ~
You asked for advice and I gave you mine.
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Only a trained professional could come to such a conclusion and I think that more care should be taken on these boards when administering such advice.
And if you feel that strongly about the validity of what a trained professional would tell you versus what you have read here, then professional advice is what you should seek.
Peace,
Di
***If you cannot define yourself, your circumstances will.***
My apologies if that sounded harsh. I really do appreciate your advice on this. I just find it hard to believe that I'd put myself in a situation like that, marry an abusive man. It's something I've always been wary of and always tried to avoid. My instincts are telling me that he's just not like that. He's a healthcare professional, spends his days taking care of people. He is supportive in everything I do, and everything I plan to do. We have agreed that we won't have kids for a few years. He's utterly respectful of women and has never so much as raised his voice to me. I'm not saying this through blind love but that's the type of person he is. I have taken all this advice to heart. I guess you guys touched a nerve because I've seen the despair that a controlling and abusive person causes firsthand. Thanks again.
shelly
Fact is stranger than fiction and in more cases than not more difficult to accept than a lie.
Peace,
Di
***If you cannot define yourself, your circumstances will.***
FACT: Domestic abuse knows no economic, educational or employment boundaries. Caring for people all day does nothing to allay reason for concern.
As the above poster pointed out, despite trying to avoid involvement with anyone who has controlling traits and tendencies you've done just that.
You're getting good, solid information and advice but it's up to you what you do with it.
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