He's going to the Strip Club Tonight!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2006
He's going to the Strip Club Tonight!!!
12
Thu, 10-05-2006 - 1:33pm

Last night my boyfriend of 5 months told me he and his cousin were planning to go to a strip club tonight. When we first met, he mentioned that he and his buddies went out strip clubs every now and again. I told him that if we became a couple this would bother me. I explained how it upset me and made me feel really insecure. I told him that it's fine if he's single but I feel it's not appropriate in a relationship. After he saw how strongly I felt about it, he we came to a compromise. That he would not go to any clubs but if there was entertainment like that at a bachaelor party it was ok.

Sadly, last week his aunt passed away. Naturally his cousin was very upset and distraught because it was his mom. So, the cousin has been depressed and drinking. Last week, a bunch of male family members (including my boyfriend) were sitting around and someone brought up the idea of going to a strip club. My boyfriend told them that he was too tired to go and they gave him alot of flack about it but he ended up not going with them. When he told me the story and about how they gave him a hard time about not going, I thought to myself, "hmm, I know this is not going to be the end of this."

Approximately one week later, which was last night, he came over to see me and he was being extra nice to me so I knew something was up. That's when he told me that he spoke to his cousin and he sounded really depressed. So my boyfriend tells him that he had to get him out of the house and do something to lift his spirits. That's when the cousin suggested going to the strip club again. My boyfriend told me that he absolutely had to go with him. He had already made his decision and was merely informing me of his intentions. I didn't have anything to say to him. He knew I was upset. I don't want my boyfriend in a strip club looking at some other naked woman while he's supposely committed to me. To me it's disrespectful no matter how you look at it. I would never do that to him. I value and respect our relationship but obviously he doesn't.

I can't understand how out of hundreds of things there are to do for entertainment, that going to a strip club is the only things that will break this man's depression over his mom's death. That is just sick. This man also has a brand new baby girl and a wife at home. I do not understand his logic.

Anyway, I am not speaking to my boyfriend and I don't plan to speak to him anytime soon. I know that this is just one incident but he and his cousin have this bond so I know that in the future another incident like this is bound to happen. There were other incidents when he would guilt me into making sacrafices for this cousin. I can already see that this cousin is going to be the root of alot of disagreements and arguments. At the end of the day, i'll always lose the fight because i'm a new girlfriend and this guy is family.

I need opinions please???

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2007
Fri, 07-13-2007 - 7:19pm
Give me a break. Americans are so hung up on nudity that it has destroyed even the thought of looking at either a man or woman nude and assuming that you want to have sex with them. I've been to nude beaches and resorts and the regulars never get "excited" about seeing a man or woman nude. I't not a big thing. Admire your BF for the ability to observe a woman naked and admire the beauty of "creation". I've been married for over 30 years and if I don't look at a beautiful woman or a nude on my computer my wife thinks there is something wrong with me. We have a relationship that lives with the idea that the human body isn't evil and if it happens to be naked then all the better. My suggestion is to examine your own motives and see if maybe there is not some self security issue here. The more you make a fuss about the issue the more the anger and mistrust will arise and that brings on more trouble. If your using religion as a support for your feelings you might research the many times that nakedness was mentioned and overlooked. I think I remember David even danced before the Lord naked. Most countries don't give nudity a second thought, only when some prudish Americans or other prudish persons make a stink and then behind their backs they're laughed at. Get a life!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Sat, 07-14-2007 - 4:52am

I just want to respond and say that while I agree with a lot of your post, strip clubs and nude beaches promote nudity for entirely different reasons. Strip clubs exist to excite people sexually, nude beaches are for people to feel comfortable in their own skin and have no sexual element at all.

Your post was also worded very harshly. Just because you don't agree with someone's viewpoint on a pretty controversial topic does not mean they have to "get a life." Congratulations on having a great relationship; while your perspective on nudity and pornography might work for yours, it's not for everyone.

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