He's NOT talking!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2009
He's NOT talking!!
19
Mon, 06-20-2011 - 1:24am

I met Corey about 4yrs ago...at the time I was in a bad relationship. Eventhough he was interested in me as more than a friend..he settled for that at the time. He was always sooo sweet and he listened to me when I needed to vent about my current realtionship...We were friends and spoke off and on for 2yrs..he always checked on to see if I was ok...he even use to come over and let me cry on his shoulder and never once tryed to sleep with me..always the gentleman

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Mon, 06-20-2011 - 4:11am

Hon,

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 06-20-2011 - 10:53am

It seems that after 2 yrs you made your feelings clear and he has done nothing to show you that he agrees w/ you so I don't think this relationship is going anywhere, unfortunately.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2011
Mon, 06-20-2011 - 11:02am

Did you ever just sit and think over how hard it would be for his mother to move out. Actually sit and think about it without thinking of your own wants and desires so you could see things through her perspective? She's unemployed, has no income whatsoever, most likely has no savings, and is relying on the possiblity of getting disability each month, something that is still uncertain. Someone who hopes to rely on the state due to pain already has it set in their mind that they don't plan to work at all and support themselves. She has no intentions of leaving and it seems her son has no intentions of making her do so. It's obvious, as sad as it is after 2 years, that he has chosen her over you.

Move on and see what else is out there. If he comes around maybe all he needed was a break to gather his thoughts. He may be stressed from his job, his son, and his mother and you adding to his stress became too much. He can't get rid of the stress of his job, son or mother and the only other option would be you... so he did just that. Does that mean it's forever? No. He might have just needed a break. We all need a break sometime.

That doesn't mean give up on him, just back off. I'll give you an example. I've been dating this amazing guy Ben for a few months now and we were having issues that were stressing me out. I lost my job AND my car within a week and I couldn't pay my rent for the upcoming month. I couldn't eliminate the stress of finding a new job, saving for a car, and finding a way to pay rent... so what did that leave? Taking a break from Ben. I did just that and we didn't speak for 2 weeks as well. After that, I got a job and paid rent, and Ben and I have started up again and he understood my need for a break and we're stronger than ever now. I was abrupt with Ben and ended it without much explanation but that I couldn't handle the minor arguments we were having on top of what was going on in my life. We're doing just fine now, so don't give up hope, just... give yourself a break from him, too. That means don't think about him, don't cyber stalk him (checking his FB), don't text or call him, etc.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2009
Mon, 06-20-2011 - 1:12pm

I agree with u whole-heartedly.....this situation has been very hard for us both. As u said...yes his mother has been invaluable in babysitting the son (hes 9) while he works where as I would not be able to do that because I work. We had already discussed daycares if/when he was able to come and live with me. I dont think she is the best person to be around that child daily because she is definatly mentally unstable!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Mon, 06-20-2011 - 8:31pm

>>But I did expect for her...as a woman..to take measures to get back out there and make it on her own and quit riding her sons coat tails...allow him to be happy in his life without her interference. <<

I can see that you expect her to act like a regular person.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2009
Tue, 06-21-2011 - 12:32am
Taking some more of your advice...I have 2 dates this weekend!! I hope he comes back but I won't be sitting and waiting!!!

Thanks!
Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Wed, 06-22-2011 - 2:31am

So what is the purpose of these dates?


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 06-22-2011 - 7:14pm
If you want to truly break it off then change the locks and let him know that you will donate stuff to the Goodwill by a set date and then do it. Or if you want to make the effort, dump his stuff by his door.
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 06-22-2011 - 7:23pm

>>"She was the source of alot of problems in his first marriage and it looks like in this relatioship as well"

There are always options to any problem.

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Thu, 06-23-2011 - 12:29am

I couldn't agree more, Mhash.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_

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