he's thinking about moving out
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he's thinking about moving out
| Wed, 03-29-2006 - 6:57am |
My boyfriend and I have been living together for almost a year. We basically have a great relationship and love each other a great deal. However, recently out of the blue he said he was thinking about getting his own apartment. He has been incredibly stressed lately and worried about lots of things. This shocked me though. I want to keep living with him.
How long should I wait until he makes a decison? Does he really want to move out or is this just a statement made out of frustration and stress?

Welcome to the board, Hallie569 ~
It sounds like you haven't talked to him about this, is that right? This is something you really have to talk to him about, no one but him knows the answers to the questions you have, and only by talking to him will you be able to realize how serious he is. What kinds of things has he been worried about? Are they concerns that would be eased or made better by living alone? Do you know how long he's been considering moving out? If he's been thinking about it longer than he's been stressed and worried, that would be an indicator that it isn't about the stress. Hate to say it, but the truth is, even if it's due to stress and worry that have nothing to do with you (though I wouldn't understand the rationale in leaving a good relationship for reasons that have nothing to do with the relationship), Whatever his reason is, if he wants to go he can.
The bottom line is that the only way this can be resolved or approached rationally is by speaking to the person you have the relationship with -- him. If there are problems that lead him to consider moving out, you won't have the opportunity to resolve them unless you talk about them. I understand that it may be scary to bring up the subject as you may hear things you don't want to hear, but the truth is avoiding the subject won't make it go away and won't make it any better, it'll just keep it in the dark, and give you no opportunity to make rational decisions based on the real information you'd get by talking about it.
Talking to him is the only way to get the answers you need. Let us know how your talk goes.
~ cl-2nd_life"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Thanks for writing back. It really helped. But I am still so confused! I want more than anything to talk to him... I really feel like I need some answers, because I am physically and emotionally sick over this.
He seems to only have been thinking about the moving out thing since he started getting incredible stressed, although I know that our relationship was one of the stressors, though I always thought our love and relationship would prevail over anything.
But, I thought things were going better, until he called last night and said that he needed to "clear his head" and wouldn't be coming home that night. How am I suppose to talk to him if he isn't around to talk? Should I just wait for him to be ready to talk, since he is apparently still trying to figure things out?
I will do anything to make this relationship work. I love him more than anything and I know that he still loves me, he just doesn't know what he wants. Should I just let him have this time and space that he needs and wait for him to come to me?
I really need some answers from him. I need to decide what to do for my living situation... if he doesn't want to keep living with me, which I hope he still will. I don't know how long I can wait for some sort of answer or even just to talk to him. I probably won't get a chance to talk to him until late tonight... that is if he even comes home.
Well, any advice or suggests would be great. Thanks!
Hallie
It sounds like there's a lot we weren't made aware of. How is your relationship one of his stressors? What's going on there? What else is he "incredibly stressed" about? I've got lots more questions:
Sorry to bombard you with a million questions, but the answers will help me understand what's going on, and once I have a clearer idea of your actual situation, I can give you a better answer.
~ cl-2nd_life"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"