his insecurity - deal breaker?
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| Sat, 04-01-2006 - 2:34pm |
I have been dating a funny, successful, attractive guy for about five months now, but recently things have progressed into being a little more serious and I think he has gotten a little scared. He has not had very many relationships (we are only 22), and from what I understand he has not had the best experiences with girls.
Recently it has come to light that he is pretty insecure (despite being confident and self-assured in most other aspects of his life... I think possibly in light of the fact that he didn't have sex until he was almost through with college... I am not the most experienced either but I know he is nervous about having sex with me) and might even feel that he isn't worthy of me. about a month ago he dropped off the map for a few weeks and I let him have time to himself because I sensed he was trying to work out some issues with work and himself, but he is back now with a vengeance and we are slowly but surely facing the same issues...
I try to be as sweet to and patient with him as I can (within reason of course, he is very sweet himself and would never take advantage of me), but I am just wondering - does anyone have any tips for boosting his ego or general advice for me in this situation?
I can only send so many emails to him at work that include the phrase "hi handsome," and I am running out of ideas! I compliment him as often as I feel incline (which is a lot because I think he's great), but he recently admitted he doesn't know how to handle it when I do because he doesn't believe what I say...
I would really like to at least see where this goes because the chemistry is awesome, and there's no reason for him to feel so badly about himself...! Hopefully it's not a lost cause!

::but he recently admitted he doesn't know how to handle it when I do because he doesn't believe what I say...
Until he believes it himself and/or works on his own self-esteem issues, really there isn't anything you can do. He has to recognize there is a problem and want to do something about it.
While he may need the verbal praise, are you sure that praise makes him feel loved? Have you read Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman? You may want to.
Carrie
A few more questions:
Answers to the questions might put a different spin on your situation, I'll be interested in reading your response.
~ cl-2nd_life"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"