hmmm... not sure what step to take at this point...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2010
hmmm... not sure what step to take at this point...
39
Tue, 10-19-2010 - 7:03pm

Hi All,

Im having a problem with the bf "contributing" to the household...

We've been together for a year, and living together for 2 months. I've been laid off from work for the past 3 months and am starting school full time in 2 days. I have a 5 yr old full time, and he has his 4 yr old, part time.

Well.... he has a problem picking up after himself, contributing to doing dishes, picking up after his son, etc...

I have confronted him twice, very reasonably, asking him if he wouldnt mind taking the trash out from time to time, or helping out with the dishes, especially when his son is around... and he's told me both times... all you have to do is ask. In which i reply... these should be things that I shouldnt have to ask of you, and it almost feels as though, if i have to ask, then I dont want you to do it... it's basically the principle of "we're both in this together". He works 2nd shift, and I've also been helping out watching his son while he's working, and sleeping in, in the mornings... which wasnt a problem until I brought it to his attn today that he might have to start taking

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Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Tue, 10-19-2010 - 8:11pm

Hey there,


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Tue, 10-19-2010 - 9:25pm

Hmm, can this behavior change?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Wed, 10-20-2010 - 12:56pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 10-20-2010 - 7:58pm

I had a MIL who did everything for the kids too--when I met my ex 5 out of the 6 adult kids were living at home and his mother was doing their laundry!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2007
Wed, 10-20-2010 - 8:14pm

Ok, you have to have a talk before your resentment gets any stronger.

I did this with my boyfriend (totally different talk, but along the same lines of what my expectations were and how I did not see things going my way).

When you have quiet time (not in the middle of a heated discussion)....sit him down and tell him how you are feeling.

Say somthing like:

Missy
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2007
Wed, 10-20-2010 - 8:16pm

I'd like to add to my previous post...you mentioned that you "confronted" him about things in the past....NO CONFRONTATIONS....talking on the same level without accussations or assumed put downs,

Missy
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Thu, 10-21-2010 - 12:02am

"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Thu, 10-21-2010 - 1:40am

Ladies, I feel have to speak in defense of Mothers in Law.

My ex-husband's mother also did everything for him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Thu, 10-21-2010 - 2:24am

Rab631, this is a very good reason to live with a man BEFORE we marry them.

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Thu, 10-21-2010 - 3:12am


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_

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