How am i going to get through tomorrow?!
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| Wed, 05-25-2005 - 2:28pm |
Ok
Well tomorrow my gf has her first softball game since last week. I found about her past sexual partners on sat night when we talked, and the softball coach is one of them. I have went to all her games this year without knowing about this and now i know the two of them use to sleep together.
I feel sick to my stomach now and I know its going to be soo much worse tomorrow if I go to her game. Because I am actually going to see this guy there. All I picture in my mind is them two together having sex. I want to throw up. I feel so nauseous and upset. If I dont go to the game she is going to knwo this is really bothering b/c I have not missed a single game of hers. If I do go its going to be so hard for me.
I dont know how Im going to get through tomorrow.

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Paguy's previous post (which refers to the dilemma he's in now) can be found here:
I love her, but cant get over her past
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Okay - I've read 3 different posting regarding your dilemma. I think you should be questioning yourself and "why" you are feeling so insecure about this. Is it something lacking in your relationship with this girl? Is it a self-esteem issue within you? I tend to think that jealousy & insecurity would have reared it's ugly head at some other point in your relationship on some other topic.
Rule #1 - You never be totally honest about who or how many people you've slept with. In my experience, men's egos are too fragile to handle the truth.
And from I've read from another wise poster - You are completely putting this girl on a pedestal. You're comment about "The Sun rises and falls" tells me that you've completely lost all rational thought about the realism of this person. After all, she is just a human being with faults, with imperfections, and also she has a past.
How confident and loved does she make you feel when you two are together? Do you completely feel that you are the only guy for her? If you answer an astounding yes to that - then just keep thinking that when you go to her game tommorow. I mean: Why are you giving these other guys so much power? Are you worred that they were better in bed than you are? If so, then like I said earlier - you've got insecurity problems within yourself that need to be addressed.
Or are you worried that she may fall into bed with any of them at a later date in time? that's perfectly normal to feel that way but if you're secure in your relationship, simply talk to her about that and allow her to re-assure you that that is not going to happen.
you are giving her so many reasons to put you down and go find a real and secure man. Posting the same exact question 3 times--twice in the same thread--is drama.
Stop whining about her past and check your own--the legions of girls you've used before she met you should give you cause to stop and consider how you proceeded.
It's obvious your feelings about this are overwhelming you. What you need to realize is that you control your feelings and thoughts, you are in charge over this. You are letting your thoughts run rampant, and your feelings are following along.
What is your worst fear? If your worst fear is imagining them together, then don't go to the game and break up with her and find a virgin to date that won't care about your past. If your worst fear is losing a great girlfriend, then work on accepting who she is, probably a great girl who has had relationships and more than likely learned from them and moved on when she realized the guy wasn't the right guy for her.
The way you talk, it's like you think you'll go to this game and explode or implode or melt into a puddle. You are old enough to realize that none of that will happen. She is the same girl she was before she told you of her past. Her ex is the same guy you didn't mind knowing or seeing a few weeks ago. Nothing at all has changed, reality is the same as it has been. The only thing that has changed is that you have lost control over yourself and you are causing yourself to obsess over something that should have been obvious from the outset of the relationship, you are not her first. That is okay, you are very unlikely to be anyone else's first the older you get. Either accept that or go plan a life of strict solitude.
I was hoping you'd have had a chance to answer before I got home tonight. I just don't get how you're struggling so hard over her past when by your own admission (and somewhat proudly spoken I might add) your past is worse than hers. I don't get how you can accept your own and struggle with hers. If this is causing you so much trouble, how can you look yourself in the mirror? How can you not realize that she has every right and reason to ask the same questions you're asking about her? Please help me out here, I don't get it and I'd like to understand where you are with this.
I'm also wondering your age -- I'm guessing fairly young, yes? Ever come up facing someone else's past before or realized that those partners are adding up and have real faces (yours as well as everyone else's). Maybe this has been a real awakening for you?
As far as how to get through the ball game goes, you just suck it up and go. Behave as normally as you can and get through it. It's reality and you'll have to deal with it or end your relationship.
~ cl-2nd_life"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
You're not giving me much direction here.
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Honestly - I think you're making a mountain out of a mole hile.
I personally don't think that 8 is an extremely high number of people to have slept with (but that's just me). And unless you move away from an area, you're bound to come across one or two of them at different times.
How many women are in your past? Has your GF given you any reason to believe that's she'll be unfaithful?
The way I see it you have two choices - either accept her past or don't. If you accept her past, then you need to also accept the baggage (seeing some of her exes occassionally) that comes with a past. If you can't accept her past, then you need to move on (since she can't change her past). The choice is completely yours and nobody but you can tell you how to feel or react.
Jeff
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