How can I communicate in "man terms" and not like a "emotional chick"?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2011
How can I communicate in "man terms" and not like a "emotional chick"?
12
Sun, 01-20-2013 - 8:15pm

I’ve come to the conclusion my husband has decided he wants a 1950’s housewife that also has a full time job. He had moved us 5 times in four years by accepting managerial promotions with his job. Each move he has become more and more demanding of me. My work hours are not constant sometimes I can work closing/opening shifts with just enough time in the middle to get 5 hours of sleep. Yet when I get home he goes off on a tangent talking about how he doesn’t understand why I cant keep a clean house and keep up with the dishes or laundry. We recently decided we wanted to try for kids but then he drops a bombshell of considering applying for a position 9 hours away from my family. This set me off. My life literally consist of working my ass off and going home and cleaning while he tells me I’m not doing a sufficient job.

I explained to him that that I needed help with chores and I didn’t want to move again because I’m tired of feeling unstable and didn’t want to raise children in a home where we could be uprooted any minute. I also explained how I feel he never considers how moving affects my life and my resume, I can’t do anything of enjoyment with my life because I’m to far from friends and family and we move to much for me to get more. He’s response to this was I was being over dramatic and was being selfish and preventing him from having the career he wants. Right now I have the flu…the house is a mess and of course I called into work. He had not once offered to get me a drink or medicine but has repeatedly gone on a tangent about how messed up the house is. When I started coughing he kept giving me dirty looks and asked if I’d be quiet cause he was trying to concentrate. Then later he goes to bed attempts to beckon me to the room and he’s completely oblivious why I have no interest in getting all hot and heavy. My husband was not this way when I met him his bad attitude towards me seems to have something to do with is job since with every move it gets progressively worse. I feel like when I describe my problems to him I come across as a needy emotional chick when all I want him is to step back and look at how he’s treating me. I’m not looking for “ leave his @$$” comments or comments bad mouthing him. I’m looking for constructive feed back on a better way to communicate with him. Any suggestions?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008

I don’t have a career because I have never been able to stay anywhere long enough to develop one. I was even considering school but again it hardly seems worth starting when you know you might be uprooted.

I cannot help with your other issues as if I were in your shoes, I will divorce the $%^& in no time.  But that's just me.  As far as going to school, however, I would suggest you look into many online program (but avoid the for-profit college).  Not sure what area you would like to study, but I did my my second master's degree while working full-time and traveling for work about 50% of the time.  80% of the credit hours are earned online, the rest of the 20% completed during several intensive 1 - 3 week course on campus.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2002

I can completely understand why you are so down in the dumps, you have no voice in your marriage!  Your husband does sound like the type of man who wants it all, a woman who works (in and out of the home) and a sex partner.  All the other stuff you *need* is just noise to him.  What kind of work does your husband do exactly?  I agree with the other poster who mentioned going to school online for you to get your degree.  You need to get your life together and be an independent person, because if you start cowtowing to your husband, and he changes his mind and leaves you behind, where will you be?  I also agree with the other poster who said not to have any kids until you straighten this out. 

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

.  -Albert Einstein

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