How Can I Help??

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
How Can I Help??
1
Mon, 05-19-2003 - 11:55am
I'll try to make this quick but I met this guy when I was 10 he was 11, we were like bf & g/f b/c we always hung out together and about a year later he moved away w/o saying goodbye, but then like 3 years later he came back and we found eachother again. So we started going out again and this went on from 8th grade on and off even if we had a b/f or g/f I use to pick him up from his gal's house every a.m. and drop him off every p.m. we were always with eachother. Well he was beat by his dad when he was a kid, he'd been through boys homes and boys camps and jail and juevinile to make things worse his mom is a drunk / crack head and so he's not very well behaved. Well when I was 18 I lived with his sister for about 1 month until some of all of our friends got out of control and the living arrangement was always unsettled and Many other issues so when she went out of town I left a note and told her I had got a job out of state and that I was leaving. So I left while she was gone. Seriously who wants to live with a slut that's pregnant by some male stripper and is across the complex getting wasted and leave's thugs in charge of our apartment while she's out of town. What was I suppose to do? It had nothing to do with him and now apparently he's disowned his whole family and he's really bad into drugs. like I said I've known him for 11years if not longer and I miss him and I could never stop caring or loving him, I've been there through the rough times for him, I wrote him letters constantly while he was locked up and I was always there when he needed me for anything while I was around, I just don't know how to make him see why I had to leave.. he stopped by my moms a few times after that but I'm not exactly sure why. I know some friends of mine and him and some of his friends didn't get along after hanging out sometimes and that also caused part of the problem. But I want to help him and be there like I was before, he's the only guy I could, or would work for to take care of he's the only guy I would do ANYTHING in my power for. I don't know why, and I don't know how to get him to for give me or understand or even trust me again not to mention b/c of the drama me acctually being able to trust him again. Is there anyway to help him? I just feel as though I need to be there with him. It's probably something I should leave in the past, but I can't stop thinking of him day after day after day it's all the same, we should be together nothing should've ever changed. I should be there with him now going through whatever it is he's going through now. He's more than just some guy to me he's more than just a friend or an ex boyfriend but I still don't know what, I still see him in all my dreams instead of any other scene, fate has always brought us back together again and I'm just not sure if I should express to him the way I feel or if I should just apologize and see how it ends?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Mon, 05-19-2003 - 12:10pm
Do not waste your time and your youth "taking care of" someone who is "really bad into drugs". He may mean a lot to you, but you are not the kind of help he needs. You may have this romanticized vision of getting him clean through your loving kindness, but it doesn't work like that. You will think that if he really cared about you he would not do drugs. When he continues to use, you will take it personally and become resentful. Neither one of you will be any better for your effort. You will feel used, he will still be using.

What he needs is professional help. If he is willing to get that, then support and encourage him. After he is clean, then you can persue a relationship. Until then, though, stay away. It is not fate that brings you together...it is coincidence and geography.

April