How Do I Approach My Issue of BF Keeping Exes in His Life?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2012
How Do I Approach My Issue of BF Keeping Exes in His Life?
8
Thu, 02-09-2012 - 4:16pm

I don't want to make a mountain out of a mole hill.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Just tell him your not comfortable with him maintaining personal relationships with his exes and see what he says. Either he will be willing to deletes some of the old exes phone nos. or not. If he's not willing to cut ties to the exes then you need to think about whether your comfortable staying in this relationship.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009

Not to sound flippant, but how are you going to share a house with this man if you can't even talk to him about these things?

Being compatible with someone means being able to deal with who they are. This guy is still friends with exes, and if you can't live with this, he's probably not a good mate for you. Why is it a problem for you that he has something nice to say about an ex-girlfriend? Do you beleive everyone needs to be bitter and angry over their past relationships? Do you even trust him?

"But I think associating with exes adds unnecessary baggage and drama to a relationship"

Only if you have a problem with trust, or respect. If you didn't think this ex of his was "sneaky and manipulative" would you still have a problem?

I think having sex toys and toothbrushes from relationships more than 2 years ago is VERY strange, and I really have to wonder why in TWO YEARS you haven't brought it up to him. Relationships that work are ones where two people are comfortable talking about what is acceptable for them and what they want to change. If you can't communicate to him about the things that bother you, I do not see great things in your future. You should probably start out the conversation by asking when he plans to get rid of all of the ex-girlfriend paraphenalia because it's gross.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Yeah the USED sex toys would definitely have to go. The thought of reusing them is really GROSS.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007

I'm wondering about him having the exes personal items and sex toys still around.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
true.blue.strine wrote:

I'm wondering about him having the exes personal items and sex toys still around.

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Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010

Hi

Goldfish

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006

I think it's time to pick your battles.

Let him know that you plan on asking for some changes in this regard but need information to make informed requests. Make a list of all of your questions, sleep on it for a few days, ask any follow-up questions in the meantime, then present your requests and the reasons behind them.

I kept my ex's scuba diving equipment because she didn't want it and took my gf out freediving in it but only at her request and letting her know that I didn't feel weird about it if she didn't. All was good.

OTOH, my gf's suite mate in college

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007

Same with me Trenner.