How do I bring this up with my fiance?
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|Sun, 02-02-2014 - 9:26pm|
Hope everyone's having a good superbowl Sunday. I'm in an interesting situation right now - I think my hormones might be making me over anlyze things as well. I'll give you a little bit of background about myself. I've been in the US for about 10 years now on various kinds of visas. I'm a working professionals and my fiance and I are getting married this year (he's an American). We've known each other for about 2 years now and things are going well. We live together as well.
It's about time for my visa to get renewed - and if I have my current employer renew it, I will be stuck with this employer for a while. My fiance knows how things are at my current job, and that my CEO is not the best person to work with. My fiance often tells me I should find another job. I've been actively job hunting for a while now, so that I can have my new employer sponser my visa. Job hunt has proven to be extremely difficult because very few employers hire people for whom they will have to sponser a visa. I have had a lot of positive response to my job applications, but as soon as they hear of my visa status, they stop moving forward with the application. I am extremely frustrated since the deadline to extend my visa is coming up fast. Right now my choice is to remain with my current employer and have them sponser my visa even though that would mean I would be tied to them for the next several months. It is also a dead end job and I know I would be wasting my time working there when my career could go so much forward elsewhere.
The thing that frustrates me even more is, even though we are getting married the end of this year, my fiance has never suggested we "officially" get married a little earlier so that I wouldn't have to go through with this. He knows I am extremely stressed out over this matter, and he often says "what are our choices?". And lately I've noticed that whenever I start talking about how "I think I'm resigned to talking to my current employer to sponser me", he changes the topic. I've lived on my own in a foreign country for almost a decade now, so I really don't need someone else to get a green card - but it really bothers me that the guy that I am going to marry - my best friend - he is allowing me to go through this and evading the topic completely and acting like everything is ok. I do things for him before he even asks for it!
So I finally brought it up last week and asked him what if we got the paperwork done earlier so that I wouldn't have to stress out over staying at my current job. He was all for it and asked when we'd have to do it. He said he's ready. Since that conversation, he hasn't brought it up. So I haven't either - I didn't want to come across being pushy. So last week I told him that I was going to talk to my employer to sponsor me. He immediately got evasive and changed the topic. This really pissed me off and I just couldn't bring myself to talk to him for a day. But we ended up making up, but we never discussed why I was mad. Either he has no clue why I was mad, or he's pretending like he has no clue. I want to have a straight up conversation with him - how do I handle this diplomatically? I don't care if we get married earlier or not - and I can handle staying at my current job for the visa if I had to - but I just want to know why he's acting like this when we're completely open about everything else.
A part of me thinks the reason he doesn't want to do it is because he thinks if I got a green card, I would find it easier to find a job that is better than his... he's very competitive. Even though he's never made it obvious, I have noticed instances where he is a little hesitent to give compliments when I do something really well. Thanks in advance for your thoughts. I've been stewing over this all weekend.