Sounds like you had a great counseling appt and your cousnelor is right on about all of it.
There are no "WHAT IFs" he's not going to change, but he would manipulate you into thinking that he had changed to win you back.
::I hate having to talk all the blame because I wouldn't tell him who it was
Two things: 1) take only 50% of the blame 2) be willing to be seen as the 'bad guy' because his opinion no longer matters and if he needs to blame you and make you the bad guy to leave you alone, so be it.
Why are you getting right back into another relationship? Are you afraid to be alone? Isn't this something on the rebound? You should really think about the questions I have asked because at one time I answered yes to all 3 of those questions - and I did it often. I'm trying real hard to teach my 12 year old daughter that she doesn't need a boyfriend (though in theory it's only a label). I think we start out at a young age thinking that we will get the love we need from someone else. Maybe my need stemmed from a constant disapproval from my father - I am not sure. I felt that I was nothing without some man in my life. It took me living on my own and not having a relationship to grow and develop into a more mature adult. You really need to cut out all men from your life (excluding your family of course).
Maryanne, in a previous post Myrinalyn told us she'd never lived alone, had gone straight from her parents to a boyfriend and has jumped from husband or boyfriend to boyfriend from there. She admitted that she was afraid to be alone. What she's not realizing, I think, is that this time she's spent in her own place, not living with her boyfriend, she HAS been alone; he's only been something that makes her think she's not been alone. She's had him to think about and know he's somewhere out there, so she didn't feel alone. Of course, she was alone, it was only in her mind that she wasn't. Either that or she'd moved back with him and didn't mention it.
Of course, as long as you keep grabbing up a new guy to replace the old one, you never realize you are on your own and in fact, are making it just fine. In situations like this, you'll continue to be too busy focusing on the newest bad and abusive relationship, and they, like the wrong therapist and the wrong board will keep you from getting anywhere, nothing really changes, you just go through the same ugly cycles and patterns with a new face. It's all about distraction and avoidance. I don't know about you, but I'd rather avoid abuse and bad relationships than anything else -- facing anything else would be easier than that!
We've given her the information a zillion times, she knows it and it's there if she wants it; she continues to choose what she wants, against our advice, knowledge, personal experience and professional recommendation and standards. Like all of us, what she chooses to do with her life is her choice, and she's making that choice -- an informed choice at that -- with all the resources and information she needs to make good, positive, healthy choices for herself.
~ cl-2nd_life
"You can't control the length of your life, but you can control the width and depth." ~ Author unknown
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Well, my decision was made for me yesterday.
~Live to be happy~Be happy to live~
Sounds like you had a great counseling appt and your cousnelor is right on about all of it.
There are no "WHAT IFs" he's not going to change, but he would manipulate you into thinking that he had changed to win you back.
::I hate having to talk all the blame because I wouldn't tell him who it was
Two things:
1) take only 50% of the blame
2) be willing to be seen as the 'bad guy' because his opinion no longer matters and if he needs to blame you and make you the bad guy to leave you alone, so be it.
Stay strong.
Carrie
Myrinalyn, the decision was not made for you -- YOU made the decision.
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Well, I didn't get the feedback from this new guy that I had hoped.
~Live to be happy~Be happy to live~
YOU are not in a position to choose a healthy partner.
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
It took me living on my own and not having a relationship to grow and develop into a more mature adult. You really need to cut out all men from your life (excluding your family of course).
Maryanne, in a previous post Myrinalyn told us she'd never lived alone, had gone straight from her parents to a boyfriend and has jumped from husband or boyfriend to boyfriend from there. She admitted that she was afraid to be alone. What she's not realizing, I think, is that this time she's spent in her own place, not living with her boyfriend, she HAS been alone; he's only been something that makes her think she's not been alone. She's had him to think about and know he's somewhere out there, so she didn't feel alone. Of course, she was alone, it was only in her mind that she wasn't. Either that or she'd moved back with him and didn't mention it.
Of course, as long as you keep grabbing up a new guy to replace the old one, you never realize you are on your own and in fact, are making it just fine. In situations like this, you'll continue to be too busy focusing on the newest bad and abusive relationship, and they, like the wrong therapist and the wrong board will keep you from getting anywhere, nothing really changes, you just go through the same ugly cycles and patterns with a new face. It's all about distraction and avoidance. I don't know about you, but I'd rather avoid abuse and bad relationships than anything else -- facing anything else would be easier than that!
We've given her the information a zillion times, she knows it and it's there if she wants it; she continues to choose what she wants, against our advice, knowledge, personal experience and professional recommendation and standards. Like all of us, what she chooses to do with her life is her choice, and she's making that choice -- an informed choice at that -- with all the resources and information she needs to make good, positive, healthy choices for herself.
~ cl-2nd_life"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."
~ Author unknown

my signature exchange partner:Living Together
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Pages