How do you be back together with an ex and not have the same things happen?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2010
How do you be back together with an ex and not have the same things happen?
Tue, 09-06-2011 - 3:54pm

if someone can tell me about their experience or and give me some advice that would be great. thank you

my ex and i were together for two years, we talked about a family together in a year or two and he got me a pre engagement ring for until he was able to afford the one he wanted. we both are in our late twenties.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009

Your title question is this: "How do you be back together with an ex and not have the same things happen?"

And the true answer is, "you don't". You're allowing this guy to get into your head, convincing you that he's changed.

In reality, he will say ANYTHING to get you back. His promises and claims to have changed will melt away as soon as you take him back. How much do you think a person can really change in a couple months? Catladie, if you broke up with him the first time he ever pushed you away, then I'd say you should give him a chance. But really he's been doing this for a while, hasn't he? This wasn't the first time you told him that it was a problem for you. Really, didn't you have to reach the end of your rope to break up with him? Didn't he already have enough of a chance?

Right now you're in "we're broken up mode". There are no expectations of one another because you're not in a relationship. Of course you aren't going to fight. Don't take this as any indication that, if you do get back into a relationship, things will be any different than they were before.

Stop entertaining him. He's manipulating you, successfully, into taking him back. People don't change like that. He's not trying to make things better for YOU, he's trying to make things better for HIMSELF. If he truly cared about you, he'd let you go be with a person you deserve to be with. Someone who doesn't push you away whenever he gets overwhelmed.

It's time to cut off contact for good. Stop letting him manipulate you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007

Catladie, I completely agree with Crab's reply to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004

Do we all remember catladie?

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001

Welcome to the board, Catladie83 ~

What you've been told here by the others is exactly right.

~ cl-2nd_life

Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004


You state, "The thing is though the hell he put me threw i have nothing for him anymore. the trust is gone i cant believe any of what he has said to me this week and its just he broke everything in me and hurt me so deep that i am not sure how i can ever actually get away from all of that."

So why would you even consider going back to him? Is it because he's paying you attention and you like that? So you had a couple of "good" conversations that didn't result in the old behavior. Great! That doesn't make him marriage material now any more than it did then.

Do yourself a huge favor: Stop talking to this guy. Hang up, delete, block, "unfriend" whatever you need to do to cut the communication.

I wouldn't give him the time of day. Surely you think more of yourself than to even give this guy 8 hours of your time.