how to get that chemistry?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2005
how to get that chemistry?
2
Wed, 07-05-2006 - 12:22am

hey all, I donno if this has happened to someone else before. I feel no chemistry between my husband and me. Other than the fact that we have been arguing a lot and yelling sometimes we also have been trying to make up this marriage with our physical intimacy. I donno is it because of our arguments or the notion that he has authority over me, but I feel nothing fantasy or tickles in my body when he touches me! (He does feel excited and wants to make love with me.)
I always force myself to respond to him when we have oral sex or when he wants to mastrubate. When my hubby touches me or asks me to cum, I think of some scenes in a movie or how my body used to react when my ex-BF used to kiss me. So this makes me come up with 2 questions: a) Is this happening becx he has always tried to overpower me and advice me like a father to a daughter? This is our main reason of arguments. b) Maybe since I was married to my husband right after I broke up with my ex-BF, I try to compare hubby with ex-BF obviously?

Sometimes I think 'b' is true, but then I swear, I have also stopped comparing hubby to my ex-BF long back since they are very different people. What I feel then is this: If I and my hubby had a chemistry between us, then my hubby would have made me forget my ex-BF both physically and mentally. Correct? I have been trying to see and take my hubby as he is, I compromised, tried so much to see things through his angle since these 6 years. I had forgotten my EX-BF for 6 years, but this time when I went to my home country, I could not forget him and contacted him again due to my non-exciting marriage I have been having. So when I kissed my ex-BF, I felt all those nice feelings in my entire body again. I love being touched by him. But when my hubby loves me so much (in spite of our discussions) and he touches my private part, I do not feel as much tingled and joy as I do with my ex. So how do I over come this feeling? What do I do to get some chemistry induced between us? We have fought so much and have lots of discrepency- I cant seem to forget this while making love with him.

when I told my hubby that we should think of splitting up (not just becx of no-chemistry part, due to other strong reasons), he started crying and became emotional. Now he is telling me he will change and compromise like the way I want. I am in such a crucial state in my life to make a decision whether or not give him a chance? whether or not I will get some chemistry with him? What do I respond to my hubby who seems to love me so much but I don't feel anything when he kisses me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-05-2006 - 2:53am

For those not familiar with Gulabi1's situation, her previous posts can be found here:



uncompromising hubby
Ex boyfriend still loves me and wants me








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-05-2006 - 10:22pm

I think if you re-read your past posts you'll realize why you don't have feelings for your husband.

I don't mean to offend you, but you seem to think your feelings can be transferred from one person to another and back again on a moment's notice. Those kinds of feelings are pretty immature and superficial. Deep, lasting, mature feelings are based on relationships that have been built on a history of things like trust, respect and equality, they don't come and go.







~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown



Edited 7/6/2006 1:46 am ET by cl-2nd_life








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"