How to lose the drama queeness?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
How to lose the drama queeness?
13
Tue, 02-01-2011 - 11:00am

I realised that I am my own worst enemy. I fly off the handle too fast. As as result I push people away.

Does anybody have any advice of how to be more calm or cool?

Does anybody have any book recommendations? Seriously I need to work on myself.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Tue, 02-01-2011 - 11:20am

I struggled with this for a while too (teens through early twenties, which may just be totally normal).

It helped for me to come to the acceptance that other people are who they are, they're doing their best they can for their own lives, and that I'm not the center of their world, nor the reason for their actions... Other people do and say things according to who they are and what they want. It's not about other people. I am the sun in my own solar system, and that's how other people function too.

I don't have any book recommendations for you, sorry... I think the above helped me out the most... Understanding that you can't change people, and they're just trying to do the best for themselves. Being a drama queen is a lot about ego, thinking you are the foremost reason for someone else's words or actions.

Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004
Tue, 02-01-2011 - 4:28pm

Hi Lynn,

Well, you're on your way if you recognize you fly off the handle at everything. Good for you!

We usually learn how to conduct ourselves from our parents (or sibs). Was someone in your family the drama queen/king? I bet if you thought about it you can identify someone you're mimicking in adulthood. If not, did you pick this up as a teen and never grow out it? We can all be self-centered and be pretty unaware of our impact on others around us as young people. It's part of being a teen and young adult.

Do you know your trigger? Is it something someone says or how they say it? Is it anything you don't agree with? Is it something as simple as another person's opinion or do you see that person as a threat to you for some reason? The last question I ask because sometimes we lash out when we feel threatened. If you do that with every person who says anything that's not in your value system or you don't like, that tells me you're threatened by that person or statement or opinion for whatever reason.

Learning to LISTEN, THEN SPEAK is a great skill. It takes practice, self-control, and self-discipline to bite your tounge when you so badly want to flap it. :)

My advice is pay attention to yourself from here forward. Take a deep breath. Listen to what the other person is saying. Then decide: Is it really necessary to add my two cents? If yes, count to 10 and sort out your thoughts before you say them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2007
Tue, 02-01-2011 - 11:59pm

I have dealt with this actually recently.

mom_uk2socal - Mom to DS22, DS19, DD16

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Wed, 02-02-2011 - 12:48am

Welcome to the board, Misslynn7 ~

A couple of questions so we might get deeper than a general response:

*You say you fly off the handle, but your title refers to being a drama queen.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Wed, 02-02-2011 - 7:53pm

Hi,

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Wed, 02-02-2011 - 8:04pm

I think, I got my behaviour from my mother but she is not as big a drama queen as me. My dad is the opposite, easy going and quiet.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Wed, 02-02-2011 - 8:05pm

Yes, I will practice to zip my mouth.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Wed, 02-02-2011 - 8:16pm

Thanks for the welcome.

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Wed, 02-02-2011 - 9:37pm

It sounds like rather than having a problem with everyone, you have a problem with a few, specific people.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2006
Wed, 02-02-2011 - 9:56pm
If you have never been screened for bipolar before it might be worth doing. http://counsellingresource.com/quizzes/goldberg-bipolar/index.html

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