How would you handle this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2011
How would you handle this?
14
Mon, 05-09-2011 - 10:31am

My BF and I have been dating for about 10 months.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Mon, 05-09-2011 - 11:06am

Why would he be entertaining friendship with a person who he knows still wants to be with him? That's just stupid, unless he is getting something out of it too.

I would go with option #1. Ask him flat out if he is going to see her and allow him the opportunity to be honest with you. And if you find out he wasn't honest, then you get the peace of mind that you get to dump him for a very good reason.

A man who deceives you about an ex is bad news. Accept nothing less than honesty.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2011
Mon, 05-09-2011 - 11:15am

They dated for about 5 years and then were broken up for about a year when we started dating.

I haven't decided how to handle this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Mon, 05-09-2011 - 11:21am

beachgirl, I normally don't advocate what you call "stalking" but there comes a point when you need to know something so badly, you are willing to do it even if it ends the relationship.

If you do end up going to see who he's with, then you have to be willing to take the following risks:

1) He sees you watching him, and is so pissed off that he doesn't want to be with you anymore

2) He gets out of the car alone but you're left feeling badly about not trusting him

3) He gets out of the car with the ex-girlfriend, confirms your suspicions - If this is the case you have to be willing to END THE RELATIONSHIP, not just "confront" him, because really, a relationship cannot continue after you discover that amount of betrayal.

Just be careful and make sure you're prepared for an outcome you really don't want. In general, you always have to be willing to end a relationship with someone who is cheating on you or lying to you, but in this case, you're setting yourself up for a scenario where you may have to make that decision very suddenly.

It must feel really horrible to be in the position you're in right now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2011
Mon, 05-09-2011 - 11:35am

You're right in that I have to be ready to end it if I see him with his ex-GF.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Mon, 05-09-2011 - 11:42am

"If I see him and his ex-GF I will end it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Mon, 05-09-2011 - 6:18pm

Beachgirl, I've got a different approach

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Mon, 05-09-2011 - 9:57pm
Perfect. If he is hesitant about her meeting his family (why would he be?) somethings no doubt up.
Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Tue, 05-10-2011 - 12:52am

Personally, no one is worth sinking to the low level of "stalking" them.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Tue, 05-10-2011 - 2:17am
peaceyma wrote:
Perfect. If he is hesitant about her meeting his family (why would he be?) somethings no doubt up.

Yes, no need to "stalk" your boyfriend or even question him suspiciously.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Tue, 05-10-2011 - 8:58am

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