hurt and need help

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
hurt and need help
21
Mon, 04-17-2006 - 3:07am
me and my bf has been together for 4 years and lived together for 2. i'm just 20 years old and everytime i go to love on him or something he like pushes me away. i've been getting word on a gurl he works with about wanting to have sex with him. and i'm worried that he has cheated on me? he won't have fun or laugh. he doesn't wanna do nothing and i've tried talking to him about it and he just blocks me out? and he says he loves me and doesn't want me to go? what should i think.. someone give it to me straight out. i need help tho. cause i'm tired of taking bulls**t

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Mon, 04-17-2006 - 3:18am

It's quite simple really....if he doesn't get his act together, you leave. When he says that he wants you to stay, ask him what changes he's prepared to make so that you will WANT to stay. If he shuts you out, then you know he's not serious about wanting you to stay with him.

That aside, you've been with him since you were 16. Both of you would have done some serious growing and changing during this time, and both of you will continue to do so. It's quite likely that you will grow out of this relationship and find someone who's far more suited to who you are now.

good luck!

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-17-2006 - 12:42pm

Aisha's exactly right with how you handle this. You know that you're not happy or satisfied. If he's not willing to make changes - or if his changes only last for a little while before he goes back to the "same old same old" - you know it's time to move on, so that's what you do.


I'll also take a step further and say that with the ages you're at and the ages you were at when you got together it isn't that you "quite likely will" grow out of the relationship, you already have grown out of the relationship and that's the reason for the problems you're having now. You've changed a lot since you were 16, and so has he; there are years of more changes ahead before you're through it. As you mature and change, you're nowhere close to the girl you were at 16, and the guy who was perfect for you back then is far from who's right for you now. Same goes for him, and those changes are likely the reason for the problems and dissatisfaction you're having now.







~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 04-17-2006 - 6:32pm

I agree with the other responses.

Peace,

Di

***If you cannot define yourself, your circumstances will.***

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Tue, 04-18-2006 - 11:58am
thanx so much... i do understand that we've changed and i do love him very much. he says he loves me and doesn't prove anything. i don't know what i'm going to do. i've been so depressed lately that i've stopped working out. i just don't have the heart too. all i wanna do is cry and he's lazy about things around the house but he works tho. i understand that but somethings a man just has to do. i mean i get anything i want but not the love and attention that i need. the idiot won't even let me have my drivers liciense and i know thats gone tofar. if ya have any info u'd like to help me on. please do so. i'm so confused i just run out of stuff to do. i sit and cry and thats about it. but understanding someone elses opionion does help. so thanx for everything.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 04-18-2006 - 12:32pm

"the idiot won't even let me have my drivers license and i know that's gone too far"


Please hear what you just said!

Peace,

Di

***If you cannot define yourself, your circumstances will.***

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-18-2006 - 3:03pm

What do you mean he won't let you have your driver's license?








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Wed, 04-19-2006 - 1:31am
yes, i understand. things are going to change as soon as i get the power to get up and do it. i mean i work out at this community center and tan and he doesn't show interest that i'm trying to look nice for him. i do think he's cheating on me tho. i mean everything i say he's got a smart word to say or calling me really bad names. and i do love him don't get me wrong. he does love me and knows that when we do breakup that i will be everything that i wasn't with him. but i do need will power to get back up in the fighting ring. and with you devotion to help me and push me that way. i will acheive all my goals and move foward. and show him that he can't control me. i wished they be alot more ppl in this world like you from what you have told me. thanx
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-19-2006 - 4:04am

Cutie, we can give you more help that can get you where you want and need to be faster, sooner, smarter if we have a clearer understanding of your situation. From your response to Dirextor, we now know that you suspect he's cheating and that he calls you names, but we don't understand a whole lot more about what's going on in your actual relationship. Without knowing, we don't know what direction to point you in, what suggestions to make, what to offer that could be a very real help to you. You came here for help, right? We can't give you good help without knowing what we need to know first. We gotta know first. I'm hoping you'll answer the questions I asked earlier, they're important, but, it's your choice, it's up to you. If not, I hope you come back when you're ready.








~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Wed, 04-19-2006 - 6:41am
yes, i came here for help. i mean u know help to point me in a direction that i need to be headed. i do love him and i don't like his ways that he's doing me tho. our sex life is ruined. he's been acting really weird lately. even with his mom and dad. is that right? he doesn't wanna go out of the house? is that like guilt or something? i do love him tho and if he did cheat on me. no more. i will move on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Wed, 04-19-2006 - 6:48am
yes, he won't let me drink in my own house. barely takes me to my moms, doesn't take me places, but he does buy me what i want. there are just some things he doesn't want me to do. he's so hateful anymore. even his family knows whats going on. and wants to know what it is. i mean... hell... what am i suppose to do about it? i really don't know. but i do love him and things will straighten up tho

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