Husband is gambling addict
Find a Conversation
| Tue, 02-06-2007 - 3:19pm |
My husband has put us in bankruptcy. He gambled away tens of thousands of dollars. I, of course, unwittingly enabled him. I took out loans to pay markers for him and put him on my credit card after I learned about his problem so I could monitor his spending (he maxed out the cash limits on his many, many cards) only to find out he promptly maxed out the cash limit on my card. I am a pay-in-advance kind of person, so it's all very hard for me.
The real problem is I keep having flashbacks to the things he's done and lies he told and times he manipulated me and that's all making it hard to forgive and forget. What makes it harder is I love him so, so much. I can't imagine leaving him even though any sane person would.
He acts like everything bad is behind us...he's fine. But we're losing our house and we have kids...how is anything OK?

Pages
QuitMeter Counter courtesy of www.quitmeter.com.
Mamacita 74, my husband is a gambling addict.
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Does he have access to your money? Do you have money set aside in a savings account that he doesn't know about and can't touch? Is his therapist an addiction treatment group/center or is he seeing an individual therapist? If it's an addiction program, do they have resources for family? Let me know, we'll keep talking, okay?
Just because he doesn't go to GA doesn't mean you shouldn't go to Gam-Anon
Gam-Anon.
Another board you might find helpful is
Dealing with Addictions
~ cl-2nd_life
"Experience is what you get
When you don't get what you want"
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Your name sounded familiar, but I realize now it was another poster I was thinking of, Mamiflaquita.
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
I'm OK. I've had sick kids at home and yesterday was my first bankruptcy hearing (I was a wreck all day leading up to it and then a sobbing mess all night after).
I know this is his problem and I can't fix it. I just hate having to sit back and watch us be ruined.
I don't have a lot of money, but I do have a supportive family begging to let them help me. That's worth so much.
I'll be in touch more. I really appreciate the support.
What kind of support is your family offering? Financial, emotional, both or something else?
~ cl-2nd_life
"Experience is what you get
When you don't get what you want"
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
He and I filed bankruptcy separately both because we don't have any joint debts (second marriage for both, we both had all our own stuff coming in and don't have any creditors in common...my debt came about covering his mistakes after being promised "it'll never happen again") and because I'm stubborn and refused to declare bankruptcy (I hate not keeping promises and being irresponsible). He had his hearing about a month ago and was supposed to go with me for mine, but we had 6" of snow that day and the kids were out of school, so he stayed with them.
My family has offered me everything...money, kind words, people to vent on, someplace to live and anything else they can think of. My father was sick a few weeks ago and I drove him around for a day. He filled my gas tank and even covered a big bill I stopped to pay along the way. My mom keeps sneaking money into my purse when I see her. I'm bad at asking for help and it makes me feel like a freeloader, but I'm in no position to complain.
The big, big thing that has me worried is that we're losing the house and we're not entirely sure when. Since it'll be foreclosed on, we have to wait for it to get through court and then go to auction. That could take up to six months, but no one can be absolutley sure. The good news (I guess) is there are so many foreclosures in our area, the courts have a backload.
I wanto to work on finding a new place now, but he thinks it's too early and I can't get him to move faster. I don't need all the answers, but I do need to feel secure and I need him to act like this is important for my sake.
Pages