Husband insensitive to grieving

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2008
Husband insensitive to grieving
13
Sat, 01-29-2011 - 3:38pm

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Sat, 01-29-2011 - 8:48pm
trisharojas wrote:

My mother passed away last week from kidney cancer. She was diagnosed in October of 2010. I was so devastated to know that my mother only had

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Sat, 01-29-2011 - 9:10pm

I am so sorry for your loss.

"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Sat, 01-29-2011 - 10:51pm

Did your husband not get along with your mother?

I almost want to say that you need to be specific with him about what you want, but you've done that and he counters with the idea that you are being "needy" and overreacting. That's not right of him, at all. Does he still have a mother living? Is he close with his parents at all?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Sun, 01-30-2011 - 2:11am
I'm very sorry for the loss of your mother, and I understand you're grieving. But if your H wasn't close to your mother (or lost a close loved one himself) then he may not be really understanding how you feel. However, he should not have to put his life on hold and should be able to continue to enjoy time with his family too. Thing is, sometimes men can be quite naive at understanding exactly what their wife or GF needs in regards to support, and you have to ASK them for what you want from them. So you may need to tell him "Honey, I really need to spend some alone time with you this Saturday." I would continue to (at least sometimes) go with him to family dinners and such. If his family is aware of the great loss you are feeling, then they will understand your loss is new and realize you may still have breakdowns and need to excuse yourself if need be. It may also do you good to spend time with others who love you to try and keep your mind off of grieving.
Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Sun, 01-30-2011 - 3:21am

Welcome to the board, Trisharojas ~

My deepest condolences on the death of your mother.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Sun, 01-30-2011 - 8:22am

As her mother died LAST WEEK, I don't personally feel it's a lot to ask him to put social activities ("his life") on hold.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Sun, 01-30-2011 - 9:46am
undercovercrab wrote:

As her mother died LAST WEEK, I don't personally feel it's a lot to ask him to put social activities ("his life") on hold.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Sun, 01-30-2011 - 11:57am

I guess I just can't blame her, that's all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Sun, 01-30-2011 - 12:49pm
That's the way I understood it also (that she expected him to isolate himself from his family since her finding out back in Oct.) hence my response.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2009
Sun, 01-30-2011 - 12:53pm

I am sorry for the loss of your mom.

The situation can be looked from many angles.

Pages