Husband insensitive to grieving

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2008
Husband insensitive to grieving
13
Sat, 01-29-2011 - 3:38pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Mon, 01-31-2011 - 1:06am
You bring up a good point that there may be a reason he's not being very supportive. Could be some (or a lot) of built up past resentment about other things causing his lack of sensitivity to her grieving. I think a good question would be has he been sensitive in the past to other things that have hurt her or has be always been like this?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2010
Sun, 01-30-2011 - 8:53pm
The big question is, have you told him that you would like to get away? I don't think there is anything wrong with him wanting to be around family and friends during this time. If you're not feeling up to it then don't go and let him go if he wants to. Yes, you are grieving, but sometimes those that support us need a break too. It's a give and take...ya know? He may need to go out and have some fun as a distraction away from the heavy stuff. As long as he is mostly being supportive then he deserves a break too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Sun, 01-30-2011 - 1:00pm
I don't blame her either. I think though that there are 2 kinds of men in this world. One is the sensitive type that are very in tune to his SO needs and feelings and good at comforting. Two is the kind that are very uncomfortable around women when they are emotional or crying, their just not good at comforting and don't handle it well. Could be her H is a #2 type of guy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2009
Sun, 01-30-2011 - 12:53pm

I am sorry for the loss of your mom.

The situation can be looked from many angles.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Sun, 01-30-2011 - 12:49pm
That's the way I understood it also (that she expected him to isolate himself from his family since her finding out back in Oct.) hence my response.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Sun, 01-30-2011 - 11:57am

I guess I just can't blame her, that's all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Sun, 01-30-2011 - 9:46am
undercovercrab wrote:

As her mother died LAST WEEK, I don't personally feel it's a lot to ask him to put social activities ("his life") on hold.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Sun, 01-30-2011 - 8:22am

As her mother died LAST WEEK, I don't personally feel it's a lot to ask him to put social activities ("his life") on hold.

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Sun, 01-30-2011 - 3:21am

Welcome to the board, Trisharojas ~

My deepest condolences on the death of your mother.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Sun, 01-30-2011 - 2:11am
I'm very sorry for the loss of your mother, and I understand you're grieving. But if your H wasn't close to your mother (or lost a close loved one himself) then he may not be really understanding how you feel. However, he should not have to put his life on hold and should be able to continue to enjoy time with his family too. Thing is, sometimes men can be quite naive at understanding exactly what their wife or GF needs in regards to support, and you have to ASK them for what you want from them. So you may need to tell him "Honey, I really need to spend some alone time with you this Saturday." I would continue to (at least sometimes) go with him to family dinners and such. If his family is aware of the great loss you are feeling, then they will understand your loss is new and realize you may still have breakdowns and need to excuse yourself if need be. It may also do you good to spend time with others who love you to try and keep your mind off of grieving.

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