Husband kicked me out of his car 1/4 mile from home

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2008
Husband kicked me out of his car 1/4 mile from home
20
Tue, 06-24-2014 - 4:31pm

My husband and I got into an argument on the way home. Right before he kicked me out of his car (for the very first time ever), he said he didn't care. I replied with, "I know you don't." Suddenly, he slams on his brakes and screams at me to get out of his car and starts pushing me out. I walked home fuming and when I got home I screamed at him then that he went too far and I left for the day. Now, fast forward two days later. He said that he was diffusing the situation because I was throwing a temper tantrum in the car and he did the right thing by kicking me out and he wouldn't have done it if we weren't near the house. WHAT? I never screamed at him or threw a tantrum or anything. I know it wasn't very far, but I am so upset by this and the fact that he blatantly lied to my face about it as if I wasn't even there!  What I want to know is, how would you handle this? We just bought our dream home a year and a half ago and haven't had any fights.

A little history This is the first real bad fight we have had in over two years. He just got laid off from his job a month and a half ago and he takes anti depressants but the company that mails him his prescriptions messed up when they sent his meds and he had to wait two days because he ran out.

Pages

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999

First of all, it takes 2 to tango.  If you know your husband is unemployed and depressed, then why aggravate the situation?   It does not matter ONE BIT who is "right".  You should have just kept your mouth shut.

Secondly, antidepressant medication CANNOT be stopped abruptly, it must be tapered, or there will be biochemical consequenses, one of which you just experienced.  Since your dh has a psychiatric disorder, and as such cannot be relied upon to be thinking clearly at all times.  YOU should make it your business to double check that he is taking his maeds as prescribed, and that they are always refilled appropriately.  Had the Rx been ordered early enough, a mix-up at the pharmacy should not have mattered.  And if the mix-up was their fault, you should have demanded that they overnight the Rx, so that your dose schedule was not interrupted. 

Finally, 1/4 of a mile is two blocks.  Get over it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

My exH has bipolar disorder and was on medication throughout our marriage--usually several pills at a time since they had trouble getting the correct combination of pills to work.  I can tell  you that he would have been extremely angry with me if I had taken it upon myself to "check" to see if he was taking his medication, which would basically be treating him like a child or a person who could not manage his own illness.  And believe me, he was angry at me enough!  Of course there were several occasions when he enlisted my help in having to go out of my way to pick up his Rx or some samples from his doc's office.  It's one thing if she can do it surreptitiously and check to see when the supply is getting low that the pills have been reordered or to ask him if he has done that, but I don't think that treating him like he is incompetent is going to help his depression or their relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2008

You are right. My husband refuses to let me look at his meds. The reason being, is because I took it upon myself to call his doctor who was increasing his testosterone levels. What I had on my hands was someone who was getting increasingly aggressive and got into a fist fight with 3 teenage boys!!! He broke his ankle and lied to everyone about how he broke his ankle. I told the doctor that he has been drinking beer along with taking his meds and the testosterone is making him increasingly beligerant. Now, I told the doctor I knew he wasn't allowed to disclose anything to me, so I told him what I saw going on. He then turned around and told my husband and he came home and started screaming at me that he wanted a divorce and I was controlling him. So, in short, I don't know his prescriptions and what he takes and I am not allowed to know. Also, I am not allowed to see or talk to his doctors.

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999

Then I can't see why you stay with this man.  He is NOT a "great" guy who suddenly had problems.  He obviously has long-standing mental issues, and is extremely controlling.  Unless you enjoy being treated this way, get out.  A "dream" house isn't worth it.

And for the record, I've been married going on 37 years.  In all that time, my husband has only ever filled the FIRST Rx --never a refill-- and that was only if he could get it filled at the Osco on the way home.  I make most of the appointments, and talk freely with the drs and the ins co.  I also handle all the bills.  If he has forgotten to allow me access, then I get on the phone, and *I* am Mr M.  It doesn't matter if you don't "think" I sound like a guy--we're not on Skype, so no one gets to see what I look like.   Untill he got direct deposit, he never signed a check for the bank, except once, and then they didn't believe it was HIS signature.  If he had EVER said I wasn't "allowed" to know something, I would have packed my bag and walked.  And visa versa.  However, we both have common sense and trust each other.  That may be WHY we've been married so long. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

Obviously this works for your marriage and I'm sure that your DH does his part (besides working) and does other things that you dont' want to do.  Every marriage has their own thing.  My ex really irritated me (among many other reasons)--he had numerous physical health problems besides his psych problems and never really wanted to disclose what was going on.  He would say "I have a test"  "what kind of test?"  "Oh, I'll tell you later."  He was so closed up about what was going on (and he eventually got cancer) that instead of worrying more, my reaction was well, if you don't want to include me, then I'm not going to care that much.  On the other hand, I don't want to be someone's mom.  In 2 marriages, I got tired of being the "responsible person" for everything--having to pay the bills, making sure we had the insurance, doing the taxes, etc.  I'd really like to have someone who can take care of themselves.  I wouldn't think of asking my DH to make my dr's appts so I'd think it was odd to have to make them for my spouse--as far as picking up the Rx, it depends on who it's convenient for.  I never had a problem picking things up (by the pharmacy) even when it was narcotics or psych meds.

Now the funny thing was one day when my son hurt his finger and the school nurse told him to go to the dr right away--of course this happened after he turned 18 so  his pedicatrician wouldn't see him and he hadn't been to the adult dr yet.  So after figuring out that he could go to a walk in clinic, I decided I'd go & pick up his pediatrician's records so we could send them to the new dr.  They gave me such a hard time about "confidentiality."  I said what is confidential about this?  I was here with him for all of the appts.--it's not like I don't know what's in there--I not only had to get him on the phone, but he actually had to fax over something with his signature that I was allowed to take the envelope with me--and of course they wouldn't spend the money to mail it either.  Sometimes people don't have common sense.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2008

Ok. Obviously, my question has not been answered. My question was, how would you handle this situation, not if my husband was a great guy. Let me try again. ---------- If your spouse and you have an argument, and he kicks you out of the car without a good reason, and you are 1/4 mile from home and this is the first time it has happened, do you get over it, or is it a deal breaker??? How would you handle it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

What I think you are missing is that you have to look at the big picture--you are focusing on this one incident, which would make me pretty upset too--but what about the other things you said?  Your DH got laid off, he's depressed, he won't cooperate with you, he won't let you talk to his doctor, he threatened you with divorce.  Is your marriage as a whole good or bad?  Sometimes people have a generally good marriage and they have one bad incident so they overlook it, but your marriage as a whole doesn't sound that great.  To you, this could be the straw that broke the camel's back on top of all the other things.  I don't think it's for us to say whether it should be a deal breaker or not because only you know the total state of the marriage.  If you decide to stay together, what is the plan to make the marriage better?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2006

Deal Breaker! Get  a divorce!! 

Question answered. NOw will you do it?..That's another story but you NEED to get out of that situation now.What if something would have happened to you while you were walking back home?! That was an extremely dangerous and childish thing for your husband to have done to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2008

Thanks everyone. I think I know what I need to do, but it is really gonna suck for awhile emotionally and financially.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009

Doesn't it "suck" now?  I am sure this isn't the first incident you've had with him.  What he did was stupid, but an indication of how out of touch with reality he is.  If he won't allow you to help him with his problem, then it becomes your problem too, and your problem is trying to overlook his psychotic behavior.  There are MANY bi-polar people who won't take their medications.  After a short stint on Wellbutrin (one of the mildest anti-depressants out there) that was supposed to help me quit smoking, I got a small taste of what it feels like to be on those meds, and I now understand why they don't LIKE them.  Bi-polar and depression are due to messed up brain chemistry, and I questioned a friend who happens to be a psychiatrist about taking an anti-depressant when I wasn't depressed.....what would it do to my "normal" brain chemistry.  He said "nothing at all".  That's his field, so I trusted him.  After about 3 weeks on them, I was in la-la land!  I didn't quit smoking because I didn't CARE!  I smoked more.  I was working in an office, and for a few days, I was making a lot of stupid mistakes.  Taking wrong orders, putting wrong names on things.....it was horrible.  I realized I had to wean myself off them ASAP.  So, I quickly realized and understood why people don't want to take these meds....they make you feel like you're under water.......everything moves slowly, and it's a terrible feeling.  True, it stops the psychotic behavior, but they don't care.....they don't like the feeling......         You need to get out of that situation.  The car incident was nothing, but it was an indication that he doesn't care about you or your feelings, and it WILL escalate.  Sorry, he may be lovable when he's on an even keel........but he'll never stay that way for any length of time.  You need to see a lawyer. 

Pages