Husband kicked me out of his car 1/4 mile from home

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2008
Husband kicked me out of his car 1/4 mile from home
20
Tue, 06-24-2014 - 4:31pm

My husband and I got into an argument on the way home. Right before he kicked me out of his car (for the very first time ever), he said he didn't care. I replied with, "I know you don't." Suddenly, he slams on his brakes and screams at me to get out of his car and starts pushing me out. I walked home fuming and when I got home I screamed at him then that he went too far and I left for the day. Now, fast forward two days later. He said that he was diffusing the situation because I was throwing a temper tantrum in the car and he did the right thing by kicking me out and he wouldn't have done it if we weren't near the house. WHAT? I never screamed at him or threw a tantrum or anything. I know it wasn't very far, but I am so upset by this and the fact that he blatantly lied to my face about it as if I wasn't even there!  What I want to know is, how would you handle this? We just bought our dream home a year and a half ago and haven't had any fights.

A little history This is the first real bad fight we have had in over two years. He just got laid off from his job a month and a half ago and he takes anti depressants but the company that mails him his prescriptions messed up when they sent his meds and he had to wait two days because he ran out.

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Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Wed, 08-06-2014 - 6:16pm

I remember her other postings she never has had his back ever.   I feel sorry for him more than her.  That's right.  I would say she is passive aggressive and  cannot be trusted.    if the new system will let you go back and read her other postings.

chaika

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Sat, 08-02-2014 - 3:42pm
On the basis of your stated personal bias, Xxxs, I would say that the OP might want think twice before accepting your advice.
Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Thu, 07-31-2014 - 8:11pm

I remember her post a year or so ago.  If had been me I would have kicked her to the curb.  He attitude is one where she wants control possibly passive agressive.  She can't be trusted. 

chaika

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2010

Xxxs said "Remmy unless you are a biochemist it would not necessarily make any sense to you.  Many prescription deal with brain chemicals that are very touch and go.    If it is out of your expertise if could be dangerous.  Plus, you have no need to know.   You do not need to "understand".  But you need to comprehend the consequences."

I didn't say that she needed to understand how his medications worked, just that she needed to know what conditions he has been diagnosed with and what medications and substances he is taking. She needs to know because she is his legal next of kin/responsible party and the person that medical/emergency personnel will talk to in the event of an accident or problem, and she could be asked about his medical conditions and what medications he takes. Even if his medication history is in an electronic file it won't have any non-prescribed drugs or alcohol that he may take for recreation or self-medication but obviously those substances could have an impact on his condition or treatment.

Beyond that very practical reason, as his spouse she deserves to know what she is dealing with. Marriage is supposed to be based on trust and mutual respect, both seem to be lacking in this relationship. She needs to know who he really is so she can decide if she wants to try to mend the problems, if there is any point to that if her husband is unstable, or if she should just end it and move on. You stated that you don't share your medical information, that is fine but your situation as an unmarried person is very different.

If she doesn't even know his conditions or what drugs he is taking then how can she comprehend the consequences?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2014
I know you mentioned that your husband is taking an anti-depressant. Perhaps he is bi-polar and for someone who is bi-polar, the run of the mill anti-depressant will not work and only aggravates symptoms. I had two children with bi-polar, and prior to my daughters diagnosis, she was on a few anti-depressants and they made her ten times worse. If you feel his behavior has gone off track and he has not always been this severe, perhaps talk to a family member or someone who is close to him. It sounds like he is in need of help. My son Justin went from a happy and outgoing kiddo, to angry and depressed, within a few weeks time. The triggers for him was an injury and too many bills he could not pay, plus a derailed relationship. If your husbands job loss has sent him on a downward spiral, he needs help, regardless if you stay or go.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2014

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Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Sat, 07-05-2014 - 10:22am

Remmy unless you are a biochemist it would not necessarily make any sense to you.  Many prescription deal with brain chemicals that are very touch and go.    If it is out of your expertise if could be dangerous.  Plus, you have no need to know.   You do not need to "understand".  But you need to comprehend the consequences.

chaika

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Sat, 07-05-2014 - 10:18am

  Each person has their own levels of trust.  My medicals are mine and I won't let anyone know.  I am also a very private individual and do not share.  I go on need to know.  I make that decision.    That is how I run my life.

   

chaika

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2010

"If your spouse and you have an argument, and he kicks you out of the car without a good reason, and you are 1/4 mile from home and this is the first time it has happened, do you get over it, or is it a deal breaker??? How would you handle it?"

Just get over it versus deal breaker? Neither of those. Kicking you out of the car is a big deal but if that was the only issue that you and he had, then I would say talk about it like rational adults. However you reported other issues. The one about yelling at you etc for talking to his doctor is definitely a red flag issue. Just from a practical standpoint, a spouse needs to know about medical conditions and what medications and substances are being taken.

With all of these problems adding up, things will come to a head. I would insist that he make you privy to his medical information and allow his doctor to talk to you/answer any questions about his condition and medications, and go to marriage counseling with you to see if things can be worked out. If he refuses either of those then that would be the deal breaker for me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2013

It would be a total deal breaker for me. Anyone who cares little enough to put you on the side of the road at any distance from home isn't worth any more effort.

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