My husband had a terrible childhood.
You might read through your old posts too, many find reading their old posts very helpful and enlightening; they're able to see situations more clearly than they could when they were in the middle of them and are able to see improvement, or lack of, in their situations, even when the posts aren’t about the same situation. I hope you find it as enlightening as most do:
I take it you dont like the screaming or the frustration that you are currently dealing with.
The main thing I got out of both your posts is the personal responsibility you have taken on, when it comes to your DH and your kids.
Screaming may get things done EVENTUALLY, but this is not a healthy path at all! I'm sure screaming creates tension for everyone in the house. And then what you get is stressed out kids who scream back. Time for some behavior modification on all ends.
I highly recommend some family/couples counseling. Honestly screaming is not good and there has to be a better way. Sometimes professional counseling can help us learn new tools to do things better. I too see you taking on the responsibility for everyone in the house hold, but it doesn't have to be that way. The more you do the more they expect.
>>You need to make the conscious decision to relinquish that responsibility back onto them<<
One of the previous posters wrote this and I couldn't agree more.
Hon, the problem is that you are picking up so much slack that your family aren't learning to deal with the consequences of their actions.
Your son isn't putting his shorts in the wash? Let him wear dirty ones. Your daughter hasn't done her project? Let her get a D in class. Your husband tells you that you should have gone in to order the food? Next time they want takeout, say "last time I got it everone complained. So I'm not doing it" There's nothing like life's natural consequences to make us learn!
And the screaming MUST STOP. I realise you're doing this out of frustration, but it can only be damaging the household. And to be honest, screaming would only be creating more tension and resistance to you.
Please, please try to back off the control you're trying to take on. It's too much for you....and your family aren't learning anything.
The control issue on my part is probably most of the problem---I do feel like I need things to be perfect and they are FAR from it.
So, would you say your DH has channeled his father anyways and just ends up directing his negative actions at you instead of your son?
I like your idea about negotiating--a bit of bartering.
I think for me, I do need to stop being so