husband thinks sex is love
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husband thinks sex is love
| Sat, 09-02-2006 - 1:51pm |
My husband is very insecure. If he doesn't get "attention" (sex) every few days he gets emotionally unavaiable and very short tempered. I think he is depressed - has never delt with not being loved as a child. I am afriad that he is not a good parent or roll model for our child because the only way he is happy is when our sex life is "normal." I really believes he loves me more than our child and just thinks of our child as an after thought.

As your husband, he *should* love you more than the child--he vowed before God and man to make you his priority affectionate relationship, not any children you may or may not have had. When he agreed to 'let no man put (your marriage)asunder', that includes children. That's not to say that one isn't supposed to love their child: they are. But the child may not replace the spouse in primary affection and love.
For some men, sex is an expression of love. They aren't wired the way most women are in that they consider love to be an expression of love and sex is the by product of that love.
Yes he is completely detached on the days he does not receive sex then on the sex days he is a normal, happy, go-lucky actually a good husband.
He is good with our child but I have heard him say "I love you" only a handful of times in 2 years, he smles when he walks in the door for our child and plays for 5 minutes then turns TV on. He will go as far (on his stressed sexless days) as to say "your mommy better have some attention for your Daddy later" to the child and still not have acknowledged me. We started counseling about 6 months ago had 2 weeks of intense couseling and the Dr. recommended that he see an individual therapist for him past issues. But he has never gone.
I've got to tell you Sgv3, based on the little that you've said, your husband sounds very self-centered and immature. It doesn't take a lot to figure out that pouting and being demanding doesn't make anyone want to have sex with you. I agree with you that his actions and his words aren't good for your son to be exposed to, but I'll also say that his actions and his words aren't acceptable for you either.
~ cl-2nd_life"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"