Husbands sudden desire for more sex?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Husbands sudden desire for more sex?
Fri, 05-16-2003 - 4:38pm
I have a difficult situation and am looking for some advice.

My H and I have been married 7 years and have two small children (both under 5 years old). My H has really never had any complaints about our sex life, up until about 6 months ago. He basically just announced one day that he wasn't happy with the frequency or variety in our sex life, and that I needed to change if he was going to be happy in our M.

I admit, things slowed down somewhat after the birth of our second child, but to me this admission of his seemed somewhat sudden. Over the last six months, I've tried to make him happy. The result of this is an increase in the frequency with which we have sex, but I've not done a great job with the 'variety'. And I will admit, his desire is much, much higher then mine. And I will also admit that we have other problems that are adding to the lack of desire on my part.

Anyway, over the past 2 months he's become just incredibly insistent and demanding about this issue. It seems like he's never happy. Sex 3 times a week used to be enough, but now he wants more. When I just don't feel up to it, he gets angry, slamming doors and yelling at me. He's really turned this whole issue into a battleground. And for my part, I'm really starting to feel like I'm not even close to meeting his needs in this area.

And recently there's been a new development. I've discovered he's watching porn, and lot's of it, late at night in bed next to me while I'm asleep. I would say the porn thing was occasional and never really bothered me, but 8 times in a 2 week period?

So, I guess my question is, what do you think is up with this? And should I be upset with it? Where is the sudden interest in sex coming from, and do you think there's a possible addiction I need to be concerned about?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2003
Fri, 05-16-2003 - 8:19pm
It seems he's expectations suddenly turned unrealistic, and that he doesn't consider the reality of life (work, children, home to care for, etc.) He's sudden interest for variety must be from the stuff he is watching, since it hasn't been an issue until now. And why put the blame on you? He could introduce those new "positions" if he so desires. He is the one with the sudden inspiration, right. And yes, stuff like that is highly addictive. Sex is not sex solely, it is also an expression of love between two people, and the anger makes me wonder where his soul connection with you went. Does it feel like you're there to please him? Is he as interested in satisfying you, as he is to see to his own satisfaction? He is unhappy about something, but not connecting with himself enough to figure out what the problem is. It is easy to releave stress with sex then.

Let me know what you think.