I am boiling mad at dh
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I am boiling mad at dh
| Sun, 09-10-2006 - 2:27am |
Okay, here is the quick story:
First of all, I am 5 and 1/2 months pregnant with our 2nd child.
I am a very small girl well waistline that is 5'11 and 145 (pre preggo), I just gain a lot when I have babies growing in me.
Okay, my dh (today it is dumb), was watching tv in the living room and I was in our room, usually I am asleep by now, well i wasn't tonight so I walked into the living room and to my surprise he was watching so corny nudey show on tv, with a hard pp (sorry tmi), and his freaking hand down his pants. I said 'uh excuse me, what are you doing', i didn't mention how he is so very against any masterbation, gets mad if people even talk about it. I am sorry but I got pissed, what in the hell is he doing, and why is he doing this when i am home?? I am crying now and he just denied everything, actually said,' i was iching', i said after i poked at it, said oh, that iching must have felt good. I feel even more ugly now, and so betrayed by all this. I wouldn't think much about it, honestly but the last time i was pg. he cheated on me. all of that came flashing in my head, am i wrong, should i just let this go and be hurt and disgusted (sp) or what?
sorry, so long, please help me!
Misty
edd 1-4-07
First of all, I am 5 and 1/2 months pregnant with our 2nd child.
I am a very small girl well waistline that is 5'11 and 145 (pre preggo), I just gain a lot when I have babies growing in me.
Okay, my dh (today it is dumb), was watching tv in the living room and I was in our room, usually I am asleep by now, well i wasn't tonight so I walked into the living room and to my surprise he was watching so corny nudey show on tv, with a hard pp (sorry tmi), and his freaking hand down his pants. I said 'uh excuse me, what are you doing', i didn't mention how he is so very against any masterbation, gets mad if people even talk about it. I am sorry but I got pissed, what in the hell is he doing, and why is he doing this when i am home?? I am crying now and he just denied everything, actually said,' i was iching', i said after i poked at it, said oh, that iching must have felt good. I feel even more ugly now, and so betrayed by all this. I wouldn't think much about it, honestly but the last time i was pg. he cheated on me. all of that came flashing in my head, am i wrong, should i just let this go and be hurt and disgusted (sp) or what?
sorry, so long, please help me!
Misty
edd 1-4-07

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As you continued to respond to those who replied to you, you revealed more and more issues and red flags. This is far from simply a matter of him masturbating one time to a porn flick. I think it's very clear that there are many serious problems in your marriage. Your husband hasn't paid attention to you in two years, hasn't shown the kind of feelings for you that he should. You alluded to the fact that husband makes fun of your weight, which is demeaning and demoralizing. Your husband has cheated in the past, which very likely highly increases the chances that he'll repeat it. Your husband set up dating profiles with his father (seems clear where he learned it was okay to cheat and just how deep seated the belief is, doesn't it?) "for fun"; surely he doesn't expect anyone to really believe it was in fun, does he? Your husband watches porn and masturbates despite stating that he's totally against both. Any one of these issues on its own is a serious problem that would be difficult to resolve, let alone the whole bunch of them.
When I first started reading your post, I was going to ask if you'd gone through counseling to work through the issue of your husband cheating and whether your husband had done the kind of work he needed to do to rebuild the trust that he destroyed, but as you posted more, the question became less and less a resolution to your problems.
With all the problems you've mentioned, your husband will have to want to change what he does and virtually, who he is in order for things to change. I haven't heard you indicate that he's unhappy with how he is and that says no change is coming, at least not now. He may at some point in the future be unhappy with what he does and who he is, but he may not too, plenty of people go through their entire lives quite happy with their actions and choices.
I know you're pregnant and this is a lousy time to be facing these kinds of issues, but I also think you've known for a very long time how things really are. It's just harder to avoid it or deny it when you're hit in the face with it. The decisions you have to make aren't easy ones, you can only choose what you do, how you act and react, what you'll accept in your life, how you'll live, you can't change him and you can't *make* him do anything. I would strongly suggest that you make an appointment with a therapist to help you deal with the issues you're facing, you have a lot on your plate and could use the help of a professional to deal with it all. I'm sorry you're in this situation.
~ cl-2nd_life"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
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