I am new here & hope some of u can help
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I am new here & hope some of u can help
| Tue, 10-11-2005 - 9:31am |
First off my DH and I have been married 10 years and have dated almost 6 years before this. I have been to counseling for 2 months without him and than him and I also went for a few months. First off he is a perfectionist in every way possible that the word means. It drives me more crazy than nails on a chalkboard. Its like the minute he starts with his "anal crap" I call it I shut down and shut him out. He knows how I feel when he gets that way. At times I feel its reflecting on our kids and they are wanting to do things a certain way ALL THE TIME.
This marriage has not been happy go lucky all the time. In the beginning he would drink once in awhile and when he did he would have a temper like there is no tomorrow. We went through anger management classes together and ever since I protect my girls like a mother lion of her young. He has not acted out with his temper anymore so thats good. I have had numerous affairs. Yes this is a problem. We were seperated this last spring and filed for divorce and I was starting to see someone else. I ended up walking away from this other man and thought I need to try all possible outlets for my sake the kids sake and DH's sake so that if this doesn't work I know I tried all possible outlets. I am back and we built a house this last year so we all just moved in it 2 months ago. Its a beautiful house but there is a part of me that doesn't feel like its a home. There is also a huge part of me that doesn't feel like I can give my DH 100% of me anymore. I feel like I am at the end of my road for this marriage. I haven't seen my counselor in 2 months now and I think I need to get back fast here or this marriage might be over. There is no other guy I am involved in to distract me away from my DH but I am miserable. He gives me the world and financially we are not bad off and I am able to be a SAHM. I feel like a horrible person inside because I don't have the feelings for him but I don't know what to do. I am so sad and depressed I just can't do this anymore. The last guy I was seeing that I walked away from I truly loved and could have seen myself spending the rest of my life with him and his kids. I loved his kids and I know I have learned to let go of him but I still hurt over him as well. Sorry if this got to long. I hope someone can shed some advise that may have been in the same boat as me. Thanks for listening again.
This marriage has not been happy go lucky all the time. In the beginning he would drink once in awhile and when he did he would have a temper like there is no tomorrow. We went through anger management classes together and ever since I protect my girls like a mother lion of her young. He has not acted out with his temper anymore so thats good. I have had numerous affairs. Yes this is a problem. We were seperated this last spring and filed for divorce and I was starting to see someone else. I ended up walking away from this other man and thought I need to try all possible outlets for my sake the kids sake and DH's sake so that if this doesn't work I know I tried all possible outlets. I am back and we built a house this last year so we all just moved in it 2 months ago. Its a beautiful house but there is a part of me that doesn't feel like its a home. There is also a huge part of me that doesn't feel like I can give my DH 100% of me anymore. I feel like I am at the end of my road for this marriage. I haven't seen my counselor in 2 months now and I think I need to get back fast here or this marriage might be over. There is no other guy I am involved in to distract me away from my DH but I am miserable. He gives me the world and financially we are not bad off and I am able to be a SAHM. I feel like a horrible person inside because I don't have the feelings for him but I don't know what to do. I am so sad and depressed I just can't do this anymore. The last guy I was seeing that I walked away from I truly loved and could have seen myself spending the rest of my life with him and his kids. I loved his kids and I know I have learned to let go of him but I still hurt over him as well. Sorry if this got to long. I hope someone can shed some advise that may have been in the same boat as me. Thanks for listening again.

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Great for you, Carrie! I'm so glad you're going back to your therapist where you'll get the help and support you need. We'll be looking forward to hearing how you're doing.
~ cl-2nd_life"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."
~ Author unknown

my signature exchange partner:Living Together
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Carrie
I think that an aspect your missing is the damage living in an unhappy situation is doing to your daughters. They're growing up seeing that it's okay and normal for women to be unhappy, irritated and pi$$ed off with their husbands. You may think you're hiding it from them, but they're catching plenty. Remember that the relationship you have with your husband what they're use to gauge "normal" and "right" to be and they'll strive to have the same kinds of relationships. If what you're living isn't what you'd want for them, then it's time to change your life to fit what you'd like for them. Being happy is a good start. They'll learn that your life and your happiness matter, the lesson they'll get from that is that their lives and happiness matter too.
~ cl-2nd_life"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."
~ Author unknown

my signature exchange partner:Living Together
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Carrie
I agree. Your husband deserves to know you're in therapy and if knowing you're in therapy makes him worry that there might be a problem, he should be worried -- there is a problem. He should have the awareness that things aren't wonderful and have the chance to prepare himself (if that's what he'll do), but being blind-sided after thinking everything's okay isn't fair. Likewise, if you're not planning to stay, then tell him and go.
I also that if you leave you need a good block of time (like six months to a year) man-free so that you can get your feet on the ground, your head straight, get a chance to know who you are and what you want before jumping into another relationship. One relationship should not be traded for another, it allows no time to get in touch with yourself, it's a mistake to jump to another and a leading cause of the next relationship failing as well.
~ cl-2nd_life"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."
~ Author unknown

my signature exchange partner:Living Together
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Carrie
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