I asked him if he loves me--so now what?
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I asked him if he loves me--so now what?
| Fri, 09-08-2006 - 2:23am |
I asked my boyfriend, whom I have been with for just shy of a year, if he loved me. After this amount of time I would think that anyone would want to know what was going on. I have the feelings for him but I am not the type to just spill my guts all over the place. I even told him that I didn’t want him to give me an answer that I wanted to hear, but instead to give me a truthful answer. He has told me in the past that when he falls in love it is a process that takes time for him. He has fallen in love a few times and he has said that the longest it has taken him to fall in love before was 5 months. I think that it is great that he doesn’t just fall head over heals at first sight. I don’t think I would be with him right now if he did act that way. When I asked the question there was a long silence and then he said "My answer is not ‘no or yes’.” I didn’t respond to that because I don’t know what that was supposed to mean. I felt left in limbo and would have preferred a more concrete answer. It seems pretty simple. You either love me or you don’t, I know it doesn’t mean you don’t care for me. However, the next day on the phone he said that he was caught off guard, that he does feel that way, he just didn’t want it to happen the way it did. So basically his answer is yes but he never actually said it. After that I didn’t push the issue. I never heard "I love you", and we never spoke of it again. Now some time has passed and at this point I don’t know if I should ask him realistically what is going on, if I should just go ahead and force myself to spill my guts and try a romantic approach instead of in question form, or if I should just conclude that he went ahead and said he did feel that way just to appease me. We actually have a good relationship but I am not sticking around this long just for a good time. Having a boyfriend is a healthy and enjoyable thing that also costs a lot of money and time. I would definitely miss him but it also sucks to be in love with someone and not have the feeling returned to you, especially after this long. So tell me what ya’ll think because I am not that good at listening to my heart like people have told me to do.

It sounds like one of two things is the case....
Either he doesn't have the feelings and doesn't really want to tell you he doesn't feel them....
~ or ~
He isn't someone who shows/speaks his emotions.Either way, I'd say he's not the guy you want or need; you want someone who has love for you and can show it and say it.
How old are you, Crosseydlobster? How is it that having a boyfriend is expensive? If you're enjoying yourself, what time expense is there, what's your hurry? I do understand that being in a relationship where your feelings aren't returned isn't a healthy place to be, I get the feeling that you're on a "mission", or that your relationships need to be on a specific pace. When you're looking you rarely find what you're looking for, slow down and just enjoy you're life and what you're looking for will wind up right in front of you.
~ cl-2nd_life"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
"Yes and no" or "not yes and not no" are all NO in my book. This is the first year....the romantic, lustful, passionate, can't find anything worng with each other, phase. Whatever his issues you have been with him a year so IMO he either doesn't know, isn't, or is too afraid to say it, all of which don't make him a good long term prospect.
P.
perhaps you would be better served by being more open to declaring your emotions, since you require it of your boyfriend.