I did something immature ...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2003
I did something immature ...
Fri, 05-09-2003 - 10:23am
The other day.I have never done this before..so I'm ashamed... Lets start at beginning, my husband, when he gets angry at me, won't talk to me and goes to another room to watch TV ,acts like a baby,(this can last for days or weeks) or sometimes he takes things that I have placed somewhere, and puts them in the "junk" room.(mad or not) To me, it appears he just throws it in there. Anyway the other day I had burned some incense,(it was out)and before he got home I had fell asleep on the couch due to a headache. When I woke up, I had a box sitting beside the couch, that had some things I had ordered thru the mail in it. And he had thrown the incense burner and ashes and all, in the box. Before I had woke up, he had already went to bed....I went and got dirt out of my plant and put it in his shoes and dusted it in his bookcase.(I'm Awful, but I had, had three years of this!)I was pissed!!! The next day, I took down all the pictures of us together, and items he had purchased for me, and us, together,cards ect. in a box, and put them in the "junk room", in plain sight, for him to see. Later on, he asked where the clock was we picked out was, I said "I didnt want it up there anymore" he said "why?" I said " I just don't". He was quiet for a long while. Now he's as nice as can be. But I don't want to back off, because I cant tolerate this behavior anymore. But I hated resorting to his level. What should I do? Put our memorables back? SweetMulberry

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2003
Fri, 05-09-2003 - 10:33am
And he didn't ask you why you put dirt on his bookcase? He didn't notice that?

It sounds like both of you are being really wierd...it doesn't make sense why you would trash all of the sentimental things he gave you for such a small reason. Be careful because if you do things like that he might not give you cards or buy you stuff anymore.

I see that he started it by putting insense on your stuff- why did he do that? Did you ask him? He has no right to destroy your things for no reason! But if it has gotten to the point where you are trashing each other's stuff and not telling each other why...maybe you should get counseling?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Fri, 05-09-2003 - 10:36am
well, we've all done stupid/immature things in our lifetime. don't dwell on WHAT you did, but you need to deal with your relationship with your husband. it's no wonder that you would react in such a way (honestly, I wouldn't be that patient, or nice lol), after three years of his passive/agressive and then abusive behavior. but putting dirt in his shoes is not going to change things, as I am sure you know by now.

can you talk with him at all? sit down and talk with him? tell him that you want this relationship back on an even track? I would suggest going to a therapist, maybe they can help. would he go? even if he won't - YOU still need some help. good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2003
Fri, 05-09-2003 - 10:41am
It sounds to me like a lot of passive-aggressive behavior. My dad does similar things with my mom. They have very old dogs that are sometimes incontinent. If one of the dogs has had an accident, he'll stomp it all over the carpet and when she finds the horrible, stinking mess, he claims he didn't see it. And then leaves it for her to clean up. He does many lesser things too.

The reason? Extreme immaturity and self-centeredness. I don't know if the same is true for your husband, but there is some reason for his passive-aggressive behavior. The fact that you doing the same thing made him clean up his act (although I am willing to bet it is only temporary) says something as well.

You two really need to communicate. I understand your desire to strike back and show him how it feels, but if you two resort to getting back at one another, it will be very hard on your relationship. Sit down and talk. If you can't do that without help, find a counselor who can help you learn to talk to one another.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 05-10-2003 - 2:49am
Yeah...put them back. But when you do, tell him that you put them in there because he hurt you...but you put them back because you love him and your relationship is more important to you than your spite.

Your deeds and caring might teach him a lot more than your arguing ever could...and maybe you'll find a few of your things out of the "junk room" afterwards.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2003
Sat, 05-10-2003 - 6:53pm
OK, But im not saying anything about the dirt, LOL! Wanda