I don't know what to think

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2008
I don't know what to think
17
Tue, 09-20-2011 - 1:54pm

I am recently married, he is a wonderful man who I married because I truly believed he is someone I can trust, count on and believe in. He is active on Facebook and keeps in touch with many old friends, including several old girlfriends, mostly from high school and shortly after. He has never been secretive about this and I have never been concerned.

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Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Tue, 09-20-2011 - 9:27pm

Hi, Nott_enuff ~

I'm so sorry for what you're dealing with.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2008
Wed, 09-21-2011 - 8:59am
It makes me sick that I had to "snoop"it's not my style and I honestly trusted him. I never expected anything inappropriate. So I wonder,is there any other way to interpret this? Is there any possible explanation that could make this OK?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2011
Wed, 09-21-2011 - 11:39am

I can understand how you feel and how you think that talking isn't really going to accomplish anything, but I think you HAVE to say something.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Wed, 09-21-2011 - 12:04pm

I am so sorry that you learned this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2008
Wed, 09-21-2011 - 2:03pm
The post from 2008 is about an ex, definitely a liar. I remarried about a month ago, imagine my surprise seeing that post and the other messages. We have talked about this and he insists that it was all meant as friendship. She is his oldest and closest friend. She may be his best friend but, "I still love you" and "I will always love you the most " that is just not an appropriate expression of friendship.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2007
Wed, 09-21-2011 - 2:06pm

You must hurt so badly right now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Wed, 09-21-2011 - 4:58pm

I know you said you thought you could trust this one, believe in him.

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Thu, 09-22-2011 - 1:07am

I have a real hard time swallowing "just good friends" when they used code for I love you and his messages said things like


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2008
Thu, 09-22-2011 - 1:29pm
I actually spent a couple months in therapy several years ago, after my first round of bad choices. Looking specifically for something in myself that caused me to choose men with so many problems. After nearly nine weeks the therapist was not able to give me any answers except that there really are a lot of men with problems in the world . That lead to me stay completely single for ten years I then married someone who turned out to be a textbook of psychological and personality disorders. Yes, I saw some of this before we married but I chose to ignore it.that marriage was a short nightmare. I just remarried about a month ago. We first met about 25 years ago, in college. I am not naive or inexperienced. I really believed I could trust this man.there are so many things about this situation that don't make sense, it is really hard for me to believe that he did this and it is what it seems to be.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Thu, 09-22-2011 - 3:43pm

I'm sorry but he completely duped you and is attempting to continue duping you. I do not think you are naive. I also don't think that trust is limited to people who are naive. You trusted him and be betrayed you, you found out that he is a liar, and that his feelings toward you are not what they were (you are not his only love). This doesn't make you childish or inexperienced, it means you trusted someone who you thought you could trust, and it turns out that he is not a person who was ever worthy of that. It's not an insult to you. Some people are just liars, cheaters. You did the best you could based on the information you had, at the time. Now you have information that is shocking because THE TRUTH negates a lot of what he's said to you in the past. I know it is hard to believe, but learning the truth means that you will have to go back and revise your image of this man to fit what you KNOW. This state you're in is called "cognitive dissonance" and it is very difficult to deal with because it means changing our perception of reality based on FACTS that simply cannot be ignored.

FACT... He is still in love with his ex. FACT... He continues to lie about the depth of their relationship.

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