I feel like a witch (with a capital B)

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2011
I feel like a witch (with a capital B)
Tue, 06-28-2011 - 2:28pm

I'm insecure and I'm working on it.

My boyfriend is quite a bit older than I am, but we have similar interests and get along extremely well. My problem isn't as much him, but ME, and I don't know how to fix it.

I was in an extremely abusive (emotionally and physically) relationship about 2 years ago. My ex would go crazy and start screaming at me, and then try to hurt my feelings by doing things like telling me how fat and ugly I was, grabbing my stomach and pinching any fat on it and tell me how gross I was, and then would describe and talk about all the

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 06-28-2011 - 3:47pm

First of all, if you want your BF to stop doing something, you have to tell him--he can't read your mind.

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 06-29-2011 - 12:59am
You said:
- Your boyfriend freely makes compliments of women (in movies or in person)
- Your boyfriend does not compliment you often but you say he is not the compliment type despite what you said before about what he says about movie stars and women in real life?
My questions/suggestions are
- Did you communicate to him about how uncomfortable you feel about his compliments especially with other in person/real life women?
- Did you communicate to him about wanting compliments?
o My suggestion is that you have to be very specific about how many or what kind you want or under what circumstances so he knows what “target” to shoot for
o Ex. Honey, instead of saying how hot you think those other women are, when it occurs to you, I would appreciate that you think of how nice I look to you?
Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Wed, 06-29-2011 - 1:11pm

Is he actually comparing you to the movie stars or is he just commenting on their looks? Comparing would be wrong and hurtful but making comments can be ok depending I suppose on how much he does it. I agree there could be an excessive amount.

You have to just tell him it makes you uncomfortable and self conscious when he does it so much. An occassional comment is ok and normal.

Just remember he is a guy and of course is always checking out other women. Most guys just keep their thoughts to themselves. You are never going to be a female supermodel and he is never going to be a male supermodel. There are other women he is probably going to find more physically attractive than you, and you are going to find some guys more physically attractive than him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2001
Thu, 06-30-2011 - 1:22am

Jessiejohnson's previous post can be found here:

Is it me, or is it him?

~ cl-2nd_life

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2001
Thu, 06-30-2011 - 1:39am

What you vitally need is to deal with the abuse and the scars and damage it's done with a therapist who specializes in domestic violence.

~ cl-2nd_life

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Fri, 07-01-2011 - 4:37pm
Yes it's normal for men to look at and think other women are attractive. What's NOT NORMAL is for them to make comments like that in front of you. If he knows it hurts you then he is being disrespectful by continuing that high school/college boy behavior. Maybe you need to give him a dose of his own medicine and start making immature comments on "how hot" the neighbor guy or some male actors are. Sometimes the only way men" get it" is to give them a dose of their own medicine.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Sun, 07-03-2011 - 9:42pm
jessiejohnson wrote:
"We've been dating for about 10 months now, and for the past month or so
"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink