I finally said NO for 2 dates.It's over!
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I finally said NO for 2 dates.It's over!
| Wed, 11-16-2005 - 6:00pm |
Well, because of my many frustrated and angered friends reactions lately, I finally see how "Normal" people react to what I have been dealing with for all of these years.

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It's time for action on your part, not words. Find out if you can block and then do it if you can. If not, change your numbers. Also, see if you can at least block him from texting you...that's something my cell phone company (Sprint) allows you to do. It's not being "mean", it's you stopping acting like a victim.
And you've known for at least as long as you've been posting here that he's a liar...so how this comes as any surprise to you or something that is hard to believe, I don't understand.
Sheri
Here's the something you might have missed, you *feel* terrible about being mean, when in this case you aren't being MEAN you are simply stating facts, wanting it to be over and trying to end it nicely. The part you've missed is that he doesn't *feel* the same way you do. His hurt, being upset, wanting to remain in contact comes from a great need to control and manipulate you, to win - so to speak. To get his way, to continue the drama, to make *you feel* and he will say or do anything to keep the cycle going because it feeds a deep need in him, it feeds his ego, it feeds who he is and it's how he defines himself.
Yet again, I can't stress enough, how HIGHLY I RECOMMEND YOU READ:
In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing With Manipulative People by George K. Simon
It talks about the techiques that manipulator use to get their way - blaming you, making you feel guilty, intimidation by being a bully, threats, begging and how once you see what they are trying to do to you, you can stopped being sucked into it all.
Edited to add:
PS - Look at the date of your first message in this thread - 11/16 your title says It's OVER! But today is 11/30 and you are still getting messages and phone calls from him, so it's not over. Your current boyfriend has a lot of patience, but I wonder how long that will last?
Edited 11/30/2005 6:45 pm ET by itwinflame
Carrie
It amazes me that it has been a couple of weeks when I really thought that it was indeed over.
~Live to be happy~Be happy to live~
>>He was so bummed out what my parents had told me yesterday that he on his own decided to write a 3 page letter. It is in great detail as to how much love and devotion that he has for me. He said that I will always come first and he will come second. It's awesome! Anyway, I am not sure if I should email it or hand deliver it or what? I am not sure what I should do<<
I should start by saying that at 36, your parents should have no say in who you date. You do not need their approval. However, I will concede that friends and family can often see red flags that we are blind to. AND that it's easier for all concerned if we do what we can to ensure that families get along well.
They said that he's too old for you. But you respond by speaking only of his physical age. I've known 35 year olds with the mannerisms of someone twice their age. They may well feel that he's old in his demeanor.
Regarding the letter: don't give it to your parents. It's got 'red flag' written all over it and will scare the life out of them. And it SHOULD scare the life out of you.
The first red flag is him expressing such intense love and devotion when you haven't been dating long. In reality it's far too early for him to profess love and devotion and that you will always come first. At this stage, it's still likely to be a combination of fondness and infatuation. Or, if he truly does adore the ground you walk on, then be wary of him. Some people can fall in love with anyone at the drop of a hat.
The fact that he says that he'll come second to you is another red flag. I interpret that to mean that he's a doormat and has little respect for himself. A good partner seeks EQUALITY in a relationship and does not place their girlfriend on a pedestool.
The third red flag is that in your first post of this thread (2.5 weeks ago) you said that you were taking it slow with this new guy. Professing love and devotion in a letter to your parents is NOT taking things slow!!!
At this stage, a far more appropriate response from him to your parents would have been to reassure them that he knows what you've been through and that he will do the right thing by you. And showing that you're not rushing things is also wise. But writing a three page letter about his love for you is inappropriate at this stage of a relationship.
Edited 12/1/2005 8:41 pm ET by iv_aisha2004
Well, I finally told my parents most of how my Ex treated me when we were together.
~Live to be happy~Be happy to live~
I thought you'd already told your parents?
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
It is unbelievable I know, but my Ex called me at work today.
~Live to be happy~Be happy to live~
So, what is it going to take for you to hang up on him the next time he calls? And he WILL do so...I can't believe you even think otherwise for a moment.
And why haven't you blocked him from text messaging you?
The red flags are a-flying with the new guy, too...but I am pretty darn sure you are not ready to see any of them.
Sheri
What are the red flags that you see?
~Live to be happy~Be happy to live~
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