I find this unacceptable....
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| Tue, 10-25-2005 - 10:34am |
Last night Dh and I got into an argument over dinner. I was going to cook a meal we had preplanned but the baby woke up to eat and by the time I got done dealing with her, DH was home and it would take way too long to get the meal made on a school night. So I was looking for easier ideas and we only had 1, one I had insisted on him buying. He had planned on us eating leftovers from 3 big meals that we have planned for the week so he didn't buy anymore dinner ideas. I told him that only worked IF we could get the big meals cooked. (He's been cooking since November cause I worked in the evenings and then was pg and couldn't stand raw food. Since the baby has come, it's all the sudden MY job again. At least, that is the impression I'm getting.) Anyway, I also told him that I had said we needed more ideas than the big ones, cause I knew this type of thing could happen. He then comes back with "You just don't want to cook the meals we have."
So I got irritated and left the room (after trying to get him to realize just how RUDE his comment was, I mean HELLO! I was feeding the baby! Who nurses so it's not like anyone else can do it!) Then I figured since I was annoyed and all that I would go run the errand I had wanted to run and had told DH all about. So I come back out in my jacket and grab my purse and DH goes off about how I am over-reacting etc etc. In this time our DD#2 saw I was leaving and wanted to go with me. I told her I was running an errand and kissed her and as I was shutting the door I hear DH say to her, "Don't worry, Mommy is just being a b!tch."
I went and ran my errand and came home and DH comes in to apologize. He said he was sorry for calling me what he did but we are both tired and he's stressed. I told him that it was totally inappropriate to call me that to pour DD and he comes back with, "She's 2, she didn't know what I meant. I said it for your benefit." (He got very defensive about it.) I maintain that it doesn't matter what age she is, it was wrong to call me that period and wrong to aim the comment at ANY of our children. So he goes on about how I just want to have something to hold over his head, so his apology isn't good enough, and how I expect him to be perfect.
Why is he so thick? I told him that being tired doesn't make you do something you wouldn't normally do (tho he claims too it was the heat of the moment...Seeing as how there wasn't any heat coming from me....) I told him that since he obviously found it acceptable, I had to decide what to do about it.
I just CAN'T believe he would stoop this low. I mean, she's 2! And sweet and innocent and precious. And to speak of me like that at all, let alone to one of my children... What does that mean about what he thinks I'm worth?
Jen
P.S. For the record, I dented his car after he called me that. (Has several dents anyway and I plan on popping it back out tonight. Immature I know.) I thought at the time that if he was going to call me that I would give him a reason. He wasn't too happy when he saw it this morning, even though I told him about it last night after I did it.

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I was the one who got my dad up in the mornings, LOL! I'd wake him up in time for him to throw some clothes on and drive me to school. It became a game to see how quietly I could knock and still wake him up. And I remember mealtime when it was jsut my dad. It's when we started eating breakfast for dinner. Or our favorite of popcorn and ice cream one night, LOL! And I'm still very close to my dad. He is probably my best friend (and yes, it sucks that I'm saying he is instead of DH.) He's also one of the few people I trust completely and implicitly.
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~~That's all I want. If I'm not doing it good enough then something is more important to him and he can either ask me to do it, or go do it himself.
And yes, agreeing with me helps me feel better. :) I have to say that I am so tired now. This "event" has been going on since last Monday. I'm also beginning to have problems cause DH really sees it all so different and sees what he says as meaning totally different things and I'm beginning to wonder if I am completely nuts. He's argued certain points with me so much and so hard and all the sudden yesterday he came up with "I've said I'd work on these things so let's get busy and work on them!" And I'm thrown and confused. And he claims it's been his position the whole time.
*Sigh* I think I need a vacation. Anyone for a virtual trip to Hawaii?
jen
Geo,
My mom had impossibly high standards but she wasn't near as hung up on it as DH. And yes, it's incrediby frustrating. Especially since I've been aware of my issue with it for so long and I've told DH about it. And he knew before we got married that one of the things that set me off was people telling me what to clean, how to clean, and when to clean. (I was the youngest of my college roommates and they liked to mother me. It didn't go over well.) And I do find it such a puny part of life. Granted, I definitely work on my own schedule and I can see where others think I should have a different schedule, but get real. Being told we can't have a happy marriage if I don't clean more? Feeling like crap when I do spend forever cleaning something and he can't figure out what it is? But then again, I shouldn't spend so much time cleaning something (okay, so I do have very high standards of CLEAN after my mom, LOL) but should clean more stuff to a lesser standard.
I hate cleaning. (Not doing it, but the topic.) When I went on vacation to my sister's house I helped her clean while I was there and a couple weeks later (we both were at my parents house) I made a comment about helping her clean and she came back with how I didn't do it quite as good as she wanted it done. And I don't suck when it comes to cleaning! (She's anal and her DH is former military anal. Their house could be a museum on how to clean...) So I know her comment wasn't about my abilities but it still reinforces the whole, nothing I do will ever be acceptable.
Wanted to add: That same sister hired me as her housekeeper a few years later cause I was the only person she knew who would clean anywhere near her standards. And she found my work acceptable then.
Jen
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Good grief, this housekeeping thing will make you crazy! I've been a SAHM with toddlers, and there is ALWAYS something more important going on with them than cleaning the house. Also, you have a new baby and you're breastfeeding. I don't know if you're a member of La Leche League, but they always counsel new moms to relax their standards a bit for the first six months or so, and also to simplify by putting bricabrac away, etc, so there's not as much that needs to be cleaned. And to cap it off, you had major surgery a few weeks ago--you're still healing.
Although this doesn't help you in any way, please know that someone is with you in spirit every hour of the day, saying, "I'm on your side." Oh, and sorry about going on about the topic you hate.
Geo,
Since you aren't telling me I don't do it well enough, or ways I can do it better, I can forgive you for talking about it. ;)
It also doesn't help issues that we moved a little over a year ago into a house that is about half the size of our previous one. Top it off that now we have ANOTHER child in it and we are cramped for space. The kids play and it automatically trashes whichever room they pick. Which is frustrating but understandable.
And it may not help with my DH, but knowing I'm not a nut job and that there are people out there who sympathize with me, it goes a long way in helping me feel better and realizing that not everyone is a supermom with a spotless house in spite of their gaggle of children. Thanks.
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