I found my BF had been emailing women on dating sites :(

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
I found my BF had been emailing women on dating sites :(
Sun, 08-19-2012 - 11:55am
I was married for 22 years. Divorced him when I found out about his cheating. The marriage was not good anyway. I moved on. I have now been dating the most amazing man for the past 2-1/2 years! Finally felt what love and respect feels like. I would have married this man in a heartbeat. He lived my 3 children and we rarely even argued. The problem: the other night I heard his iPad ding a few times with email notifications. So after the third one I looked. They were all junk mail. But for some reason I kept scrolling down. About 9 months ago he had emailed 4 women off dating sites. He was telling them what he was looking for in a relationship. I wanted to vomit! The man I loved was talking to other women!! After a little online searching I also figured out he has a match.com profile which was active just a few days ago. We met on match and after a few months of dating he asked me to remove my profile so we could move on in our relationship and I did. To see that he was still on there, under a different user name made me sick. He won't answer my calls. His nightly message have stopped. It's only been a few days but I feel like my world just crashed. We did text a little and I asked him if he ever went on dates with these women. He said one of them and he felt so guilty doing it. Question: can this be saved? Should I consider this a very poor decision on his part? How will I learn to rebuild trust? Thanks for all advise. Linda
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sun, 08-19-2012 - 6:47pm

Linda what an awful shock to you.   Even if you wanted to give him another chance, he's not speaking to you - so there's nothing you can do anyway.   Basically, it doesn't sound as though he wants another chance.

My suggestion is to move on.  

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2011
Sun, 08-19-2012 - 9:34pm
Linda, I am so sorry this is happening to you. I too have fallen in love with a man like this. They don't ever change. They will lie to you, tell you they will change and they just don't. I can't tell you how many chances I gave him. And every time it hurt worse when I found something out. He would beg, I would give in. At some point you hit rock bottom and have to care about yourself. I actually had to go to a year of therapy to get over this guy. I broke no contact, so did he. But I finally, with the help of my T and a lot of hard work looking at myself, got over this man. Think long and hard if you want to spend the rest of your life worried about what he is doing. I'm sorry I sound so negative. These men are narcissistic, they don't change. JMHP.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008

wow. I would have to agree with Butterfly..

To the OP..This guy really duped you and was leading a double or triple life.. He was good in that he covered his tracks very well.

I was duped by a man I married. He turned out to be abusive but he hid that and his controlling ways until I was under his rule.. We are divorced but I know how they can deceive us and make us think they are normal..and as soon as I left home he was on multiple dating sites looking for his next victim.. I have learned that we never really truely no anyone so be careful of dating sites.. I would also not date for awhile..

My heart goes out to you and yes seek out all kinds of support for this.. I am not sure I wouldnt go over to his house and well I cant say what I would like to on here as I would be in big trouble.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008

Hugs Imi-g!  As well as a counselor you might want to go to the doctor to be checked for std's.  It is a dangerous position this guy has put you in!

take care,


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2006
Wed, 08-22-2012 - 11:27pm

The trust is broken.There is no going back unless you do it.I know that you're hurting alot now BUT IF you feel that the relationship is worth it,..then I guess you'll be the one taking that chance.

I personally would end the relationship because he lied to you..he decieved you..there will ALWAYS be in the back of your mind if he will do it again...so why live with that???Good luck in your decision.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2006

daisyway3...well it looks like I myself will be needing to go to therapy in order to get over a man.When I have the money to do it...I want to because I feel that we end up allowing these certain men in our lives to make our own lifes miserable while THEY don't even have a clue or even care what their actions have put you through...

I say do whatever it takes to get a better quality of life and to me..that means only being around people who really care about you.