I Get so Angry

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2010
I Get so Angry
Fri, 01-21-2011 - 10:13pm

I love my fiance...but he can make me really angry. I mean so angry I yell and scream and feel like hitting something....sometimes even him. He can be very arrogant...I hate that. The other night....it was a silly little thing...he was talking about this hat he wears, The style of hat used to be known pretty much as an old man hat and when he was a kid he used to wear one to school where he was teased for it. He said that after a while more kids were wearing these hats and now they are popular. He is convinced he created the trend worldwide. I told him he didn't and he insisted it was him...and 100% believes it.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Fri, 01-21-2011 - 10:38pm

To be perfectly honest, it sounds like you're really excited to have something to plan and to be a bride... That's fine and I get it. But look at the relationship. It seems to me as though you're marrying someone you may love, but don't really LIKE.

The amount of "like" you have for one another is what's going to get you through decades of marriage with the right person.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Sat, 01-22-2011 - 6:20pm


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Sun, 01-23-2011 - 12:00am

If you can't navigate the getting married process, it's going to be very difficult to manage the being married process.

"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Sun, 01-23-2011 - 10:28am

I can see why he's exasperating--he'd probably exasperate me, too--but as others have said, you don't get to say "I will" and start a renovation campaign.

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Sun, 01-23-2011 - 9:55pm

A belated welcome to the board, An_cailin_rua ~

I wonder why you would want to marry a man who makes you so angry you yell and scream and want to hit something?

~ cl-2nd_life

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2010
Mon, 01-24-2011 - 2:29pm

What kind of made me laugh, and I’m sorry to admit that yes it made me laugh a little, is how upset you get over something as stupid as him believing he created a trend. Who the heck cares? Are you serious? The fact that you get that miffed over something so stupid tells a lot about your character and I agree with the poster that stated you need help with your anger. Anger like that is not a normal part of a person’s life and you need to get it into check before eventually starting a family or god help your kids.

You said when you’re upset he will read the news on the computer or give attention to the cat. This speaks volumes! This is his way of saying, “I think your anger is unwarranted and I don’t feel like involving myself in your drama.” He realizes you have anger issues and people with issues such as yours get upset over things others wouldn’t even blink twice over. It’s obvious he’s this way.

In regards to the farting, he’s a man and most thing farting is funny. Why? I really don' tknow. My boyfriend is a very professional and successful man who still laughs at his farting. I really don’t care. He can fart and laugh all he wants if he feels like it. Heck, if he wants to tape himself farting for a good laugh at a later date I’m all for it. Basically what I’m saying is you need to pick your battles better.

I don't just feel bad for him, I feel bad for you, too! What a sad life to live in where anger seems to rule your emotions.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Mon, 01-24-2011 - 3:14pm
Has anything or anyone ever brought out this much anger in your before? Or are you surprised by who this new person is you have become?

I've always heard that the right relationships will bring out the very best in you - you want to be a better person, partner, etc. This does not sound like the right relationship for you or him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Mon, 01-24-2011 - 4:27pm

I agree, I laughed a little too... The thing is though, when you really don't like someone, everything they do gets on your nerves. ESPECIALLY the small stuff like this.

My best guess, having been with guys I've really disliked (though loved) before, is that she just doesn't like this guy. Unless the OP has had anger problems with men in the past, and issues tolerating people, I would definitely say that this is not the right man for her and it's bringing out the worst in her personality.

It took me a while to figure out that there was nothing wrong with me, I was just in a relationship I hated and it made me into someone I didn't like.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2006
Mon, 01-24-2011 - 11:04pm
Ok, I'm not going to say that he isn't doing anything wrong, and I'm not going to say that there's anything wrong with you, because I don't know. But I just have to say that I used to have a really bad temper. I'd fly off the handle at the smallest, stupidest thing. Anger management exercises didn't help. After years I finally found out I have bipolar disorder. Since going on medication I don't even have to try. I just don't have inappropriate anger issues anymore.

That said, he does sound pretty immature to me. I think most of that would bother me too, but I can't see losing my cool over it. I also think guys generally are just less interested in wedding planning. If he's not into it you're probably not going to change that. I'd just do it yourself, or get help from friends/family. He's likely not going to take an issue with the decisions you make anyway.
Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Tue, 01-25-2011 - 12:34pm

It kind of sounds like he is playing with you, he knows how to push your buttons. He pushes this preposterous idea that he started a worldwide fashion trend, and you say no you didn't. Instead of just laughing at him you have to push back and have the last word and get him to admit he is wrong. So I don't think he believes it, he just pushes it because it pushes your buttons. Yes swearing does make one sound immature, I agree with him. He tries to do other things when you are upset because he probably wants you to cool down. It is probably good that he never gets mad, if he did you two would hurt each other.