I hate my bf's best friend...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2011
I hate my bf's best friend...
8
Tue, 06-28-2011 - 4:48pm

Ok so I have this problem that's been bothering me for a little now but I never speak up because I don't feel as if it's my place. I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year now and we have our ups and downs as with every relationship. He really is a great guy but there's one thing that bothers me, his best friend. In the beginning his best friend and I got along fine, sort of an ok I'm new here I'll deal with it situation although from the beginning I never was particularly fond of him. He's 25 years old with 3 children by 2 different women, he's unemployed, basically lives off of the government and smokes weed everyday.Not to mention video games are his past time. Honestly my boyfriend and him get along great, why I have no idea but that's how it is. It also seems that in the past when my boyfriend has asked for advice from his best friend he usually tells him to break up with me for the most part. I honestly just do not like him. I feel he is a bad influence on him and it's gotten to the point where I don't like going over to his friend's house any longer. His best friend is also African American, which I am going to say has nothing to do with why I do not like him. Being that he is African American he has very strong opinions about white people and is always making racist comments that I take to offense, mind you my bf is white as well. It seems that anything I say in regards to race in general is shot down and I am called ignorant no matter what the topic is about. On top of everything else he recently kicked his 5 months pregnant gf out of their apartment. I don't know what to do. I don't want my to be influenced by him but at the same time I don't want to be the wedge between them either. Help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
Tue, 06-28-2011 - 5:43pm

I think it is important to let your BF know that you would prefer not to interact with his friend.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Tue, 06-28-2011 - 8:11pm

Honestly if I were you I'd be worried. Because even though two people being friends doesn't mean they are carbon copies of one another, friends

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 06-29-2011 - 12:47am

I judge people by the company they keep.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2001
Thu, 06-30-2011 - 2:04am

Welcome to the board, Cmba6188 ~

I have to agree with Mhash, your boyfriend chooses his best friend because he accepts/agrees with/condones his choices, his actions and his behavior.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Sat, 07-02-2011 - 6:57pm

Your boyfriend's best friend is the least of your problems right now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Sun, 07-03-2011 - 8:37pm
Just to address some of the other comments, people have friends for lots of reasons. I definitely don't agree with every choice my friends make, sometimes they are my friend even if I don't condone how they live their life.

To the point raised in your post, worrying about how others "influence" someone is a task a parent might take seriously, when worried about their child. You don't pick your boyfriend's friends obviously, you just have to take this is part of him and his life, a part you don't particularly like. Try not to be his mother and control this aspect of his life. You can minimize your contact with his friends if that helps, or consider whether this is the right relationship for you.
"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2011
Tue, 08-02-2011 - 5:02pm

I have a similar problem.

The first 4 years of our relationship my boyfriend and I lived in another city. We moved back to his hometown, and I have been dealign with his childhood best friend ever since.

In the begenning the best friend was sleeping around a lot and encouraging my bf to do the same, not necessarily forcing him to do so, but by bf was always around this guy whose sole goal was hooking up with women all the time ... and my bf was hevily influenced to do the same. We ended up breaking up because my boyfriend wanted an "open relationship".

We got back together after a while and low and behold the best friend had gotten himself a girlfriend too, and so now that isn't an issue. But the issue was solved with time and a lot of patience. In case you were wondering, my bf slept with no one else during that time, but I did (HA).

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2001
Wed, 08-03-2011 - 12:18am

Boy, Dangermc, that is one of the saddest posts I've read in a while.

No, not every guy "grows up" and makes his girlfriend a priority and if your boyfriend is one of those who doesn't, you'll have wasted a lot of years waiting for something that's not coming.

Even if he does, what you'll have is a guy who doesn't see you as a priority and has a relationship history that says he doesn't need to.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_