I keep looking for a way out...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2012
I keep looking for a way out...
Tue, 04-17-2012 - 4:57pm

I have been with my husband for about 4years now. I got married young, 2 months after I tuned 18, and now I'm finding myself regretting that I got married so young. My parents begged me not to get married, but of course I did it anyways and my parents have been ok with it and really like my husband. We hardly ever get in disagreements or argue, we both kind of just do our own things, I do hang out with him and his friends but he shows no affection to me at all. He hardly ever touches me anymore and so I feel like the only time he wants anything to do with me is when he needs sex. I know alot of people look at porn, I don't really care for it, but about 6 months ago I saw what he had been watching and I have felt even more disconnected from him. I don't feel like he really tries or cares about staying with me, but I know he needs me. I make quite a bit more money then him and have our whole marriage, and have been the one paying most of the bills. He can be pretty lazy and I am the type that stays busy, active and always doing something. More recently I have been finding thinkgs to do and to get out of the house more, I invite him but most of the time doesn't want to come and would rather lay on the couch and watch tv. I haven't been happy for awhile now and I don't feel attracted to him anymore. and I'm not feeling that I am in love with him anymore. I do care about him and don't want to hurt him or my family or his family. I haven't cheated on him and he hasn't cheated on me but I don't want to be with him anymore. I find myself wanting out and keep thinking about how I can get out of marriage without hurting anyone. I keep thinking that I hope he cheats on me so that I have a reason to leave.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2012
Tue, 04-17-2012 - 6:44pm

I forgot to mention that I have tried talking to him in the past about our marriage problems. One time was after I had saw the porn that he was watching and I talked to him about it and other issues. I wasn't yelling or mad and I tried to ask him questions to see what he was feeling but of course it was only me talking and he didn't say anything and his answers were short and vague. Then he shut down and didn't talk to me for about a week and then we were back to where we started and nothing has changed.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Tue, 04-17-2012 - 7:29pm

Confsd1, just to be clear:

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Tue, 04-17-2012 - 11:52pm

There is NO WAY you can end the marriage without someone getting hurt.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Wed, 04-18-2012 - 1:27am
It sounds like he's pretty much "checked out " of the marriage. He shows you no affection, he doesn't seem like he wants to do much of anything with you unless it involves hanging around with HIS friends, only gives you any attention when HE wants sex. I think as you said, you both got married too young before either of you were ready. I agree that he's probably staying married to you for financial reasons as he seems to be lazy and knows that he 'd probably be in bad shape without being married to you and your salary. Bottom line is that if your so unhappy that "you hope he cheats on you so you'll have a reason to leave" it's time to get out. It really doesn't sound like either one of you care enough about each other enough to remain in this marriage. GOOD LUCK.
Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Fri, 04-27-2012 - 2:21am
Not wanting to hurt anyone's feelings is a poor reason to stay in a relationship you're not happy in. Living your life unhappy and dissatisfied is hardly worth the temporary pain that others may feel.

I know you now realize you married way too young and it's likely you and your husband are simply maturing to be different people; while you were once right for each other you've each evolved and are different than you were. You're heading down different paths; nobody's fault, it just happens.

Are you done? if you're done, you're done and there's no getting that back; time to move on. Otherwise I think the first step is to make sure your husband understands how unhappy you are and that you won't stay if significant change doesn't happen. Not to threaten him, but to make sure he's very aware of the situation. if you think you might be able to turn it around, get real help from a qualified couples counselor. But if you know you're done, don't feel guilt, staying will only prolong unhappiness for both of you and delay real happiness.

~ cl-2nd_life