I moved out, he dumped me & it hurts :(
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I moved out, he dumped me & it hurts :(
| Tue, 05-10-2005 - 5:08pm |
Even though I am depressed sad and miserable, I felt that most people here would be happy that I am finally gone.

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Myrinalyn, even though this is a hard time for you and you feel sad and depressed, you will come to see that this was so much of a blessing, such a good thing.
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
I know you don't see it now, but you are VERY fortunate that he is doing this. I'm just afraid that he'll change his mind and you'll take him back, frankly.
I would CANCEL tonight's blame-fest if I were you. He's out of his mind if he thinks this is all YOUR fault (but we've already established that, so that's nothing new). Why the heck do you want to listen to that BS?
Are you still seeing a counselor? Which one? I hope you are going to the one who specializes in abuse.
Sheri
For those who are not familiar with Myrinalyn's situation, you can find her previous posts here:
Ultimatum has been given/Should I have?
Should I move out?
~Hi All~ Still here have made progress
~ cl-2nd_life"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Ok Myrinalyn. I'm home from work now and can "talk". How are you doing now? I hope you cancelled the appointment that was geared to make you feel like crap. You don't need it and it isn't deserved. He's been verbally and physically abusing you for years, he's the one who should be staring in the face of his actions, not you.
The photo album? Myrinalyn, he's a mean, angry, hateful, hurtful guy. He's only using that to hurt you and it's working. Now, while it's all fresh in your mind, if you haven't already, make a detailed list of the awful things he's done to you. The girl in the bathroom, inappropriate questions and behavior towards his friend's girlfriends, his friends telling you you shouldn't be with him, his ugly words -- all of them -- detail it out, pushing you, threatening you by his words or his angry face inches from your own, punching walls, pushing you through walls, all of it. Make sure you write as many actual phrases as you can remember, what horrible things he says to you, what he calls you. Write down that he didn't consider your feelings, respect your wishes,wants and needs. He used your money and expected you to finance him regardless of what your personal finances were at the time. Reread responses to your old posts When you're feeling bad that he's gone, pull that list out and read it. I think in doing that each and every time you're feeling bad/missing him you'll wind up saying, "THIS is what I wanted?????"
I know this is an incredibly hard time for you and I know it's hard to see anything positive but what you need to see is that this is a chance. A chance to finally find the kind of life that you've wanted. You've been spending years trying to make an abusive man non-abusive and that doesn't work. Finally, you will be able to find someone who is who you want him to be, rather than someone you try to make be what you want him to be. Find the right fit for you, not try to make the guy fit. This is your opportunity, the chance that you couldn't have had with your now ex-boyfriend. This marks an important day for you, Myrinalyn, it's a day that gives you opportunity and possibilities that you absolutely did not have with him. Try to see that you finally have a chance to have the life you've always wanted, with a man who treats you well, with love, caring and respect; never with abusive, ugly words, pushing, shoving, punching. Those days are gone, Myrinalyn, you're free of them. Non-abusive men do not use threatening, ugly, degrading words towards you, they don't push, shove or punch walls, they don't act inappropriately with other women either. They don't do any of those things. And I mean they never do them, I mean never. You'll get the chance to experience that kind of relationship yourself, Myrinalyn, and it's about time.
I'll be checking back for more from you.
~ cl-2nd_life"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Hi! I am so glad you posted here again. First of all, congratulations on moving out! That is such a huge step and one day you will look back and be proud of yourself for doing it. How is your new place? Is it the townhouse you bought? Do you like it?
My suggestion is spend a lot of time and energy settling into your new home, read some books and when you feel ready, just let yourself feel sad and cry. The end of a relationship is always sad and hard. This relationship took a lot out of you and what you need now is to recover. You can stand up now and take that first step on the road to being an emotionally healthy person if you want to. I hope you have gone back to the abuse counselor. Recovering after an abusive relationship is not easy and you need guidance to get through it. What you want to focus on most though is healing and not letting another abusive person into your life ever again. You will only find a healthy relationship if you find someone who is capable of that (your ex-bf was not) and if you do the work you need to do in order to be capable of it yourself. Don't let yourself get emotionally connected to anyone until you feel stronger and ready to stand up for what you want, and if you do, the next person just might be the right guy.
My bf and I just broke up and I can't seem to stop listening to sad love songs on the radio. It reminds me that I am not the only one who's experienced heartbreak. I have a hard time just letting go and crying too, but I know I need that in order to recover and heal. It's much easier for me to break down and cry when I'm in a therapy session. Afterward I always feel a little stronger, and the reminder from my therapist that I am on the right path helps too.
(((HUGS)))
Dear cl-2nd_life,
Thanks for responding.
~Live to be happy~Be happy to live~
>>>My goal without a doubt is to find a Christian man who wants to go to church with, not go out to night clubs (I accept a sports bar or casual bar at a decent hour returning), and someone who wants to marry me and have kids with me. I can't all of a sudden casually date my ex-boyfriend.<<<
>>>One thing that troubles me is that my boyfriend can't be honest with me.<<<
The thing that should trouble you MOST is that your ex-bf does not meet any of the criteria you want in a man. DO NOT leave whether you are dating or exclusive or anything just up to him. This is your life and you set the rules. You have made so much progress to move out and telling him no to sex, I am very proud of you for that. But now you have to take the next step. You will never find what you want in a man (or within yourself so that you can find that man) if you keep hanging out with your ex-bf.
The reason my bf and I broke up is that there is no way for us to have a future together. He would be perfectly fine continuing to see each other because we do enjoy each other's company. I told him if he kept calling me that it was going to be harder, because I will miss him and I will wish we could be together, but that right now I need to be alone and let my heart heal. I know my future does not include him (so many reasons why this is the case, most of which are out of my control) and I can't move on if I kept seeing him. I think my ex-bf respects me enough to not call me anymore, but if he does try (hopefully he misses me too so I won't be suprised if he does call me again) then I will find the strength within myself to say no, I can't see him anymore. You have this ability too and now is the time to use it. Don't let him hurt you anymore. Don't settle. You know what you want and if you can work on yourself and then find that man that will go to church and does want a family (and will not hurt you or the children you might have together) you will never regret standing up for yourself today and telling your ex-bf to stay away.
HI firstamendment,
It is comforting to know that there are other people going through the same thing.
~Live to be happy~Be happy to live~
>>>It is comforting to know that there are other people going through the same thing. Why are you guys breaking up?<<<
My bf was involved in a long custody battle to keep his son from moving away, he lost last summer and now he can hardly see his son at all (one time since his son was moved away). It's killing him. I have known since he lost the case there was a chance he might move away, and we actually broke up right after he lost because he said he was moving. He decided he wasn't sure and we got back together. I stayed in the relationship because if he could stay here then I believe he is all I want in a partner. At the same time, I respect who he is and he is a great father and this was a very hard decision he had to make all on his own. His final conclusion when we broke up last week was that his life is a mess and he can't think about the future or making a committment to me right now, and that eventually he will probably move away to be near his son. Well I can't wait around a few years and see if he moves, the fact his he thinks he will move, he can't commit to the future so my answer is clear, I can't be with him. It is so hard and so sad and I miss him so much, but I have to accept it. My dd doesn't need me to be in a satisfying relationship that is going nowhere, she needs a strong and emotionally secure mother who will not settle for anything less than the full package.
First of all "HUGS" to you Myrinalyn for being so strong. Second, I completely agree with Sheri. You don't have to go along with the "Blame - Fest" any longer. You've made the first huge leap out of the control circle. Please see how he's still trying to maintain control through blaming you. You are not to blame for any of this. Remember - you wouldn't be jealous and/or insecure if he didn't do anything to cause it. I am at work and cannot write all of my thoughts right now but will keep checking back on you.
You have been in my thoughts & prayers these past few weeks and I'm so glad to hear from you again.
Maryanne0424
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