I need advice...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
I need advice...
3
Mon, 03-31-2003 - 7:56am
My boyfriend of 8 months just told me he doesn't know if I'm the right one. We have been planning on moving in together for the past 4 months. Most of my stuff is packed. We both live with his parents at the moment. This is the only relationship I've ever had that feels like i'm with the right person. We have both been so happy. The past month has been rough. My grandfather passed away, he changed jobs and I'm unhappy at mine. I'd do anything to get back on the right track. I'm hurt, and searching for the solution to our problem.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
In reply to: quickkss
Mon, 03-31-2003 - 8:46am
I would take time and think about if you really want to move in with your boyfriend. If he doesn't know you are the right one, then maybe it is time for a breather and take time apart. If he doesn't think you are the one, are you sure you can live with him and he can live with you? Moving in together is a big step and it will change a lot of things. I know it is probably not what you want and it will be hard, but it will give time for him to see what he really wants out of a relationship. Living with his parents also can cause conflict. Why does he say your not the one? Are you both in love with each other? Seems to me, that you need time to yourself to so you can think about what you want to do as well. After 8 months of being together, his feelings can change and you should ask yourself why did he wait so long to tell you? He might avoid the point in telling you not to hurt you, because some guys are good at hiding their feelings. I think you should have a talk with him and get everything out on the line before you both make a decision, but I do believe you need to give yourself time apart. Sometimes that gives each other a chance to really think about it. I know it will be hard to be apart, but it is for the best and try to be strong.
Avatar for bearkizz
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
In reply to: quickkss
Mon, 03-31-2003 - 11:44pm
You've been living with him at his parent's house and now he doesn't think the two of you should move in together? What does he expect you to do, live at his parent's house while he gets his own place? Sounds a little odd to me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: quickkss
Tue, 04-01-2003 - 1:13am
Eight months is just about the time when you know someone well enough to begin to decide whether or not they may be right for you. Unfortunately, sometimes the person you think is right for you doesn't always share that feeling for you. I'm not saying that's the case here, there really isn't enough information to have any idea about that. Did he say he wanted to end the relationship? Give you an idea of why he felt this way or what he wanted to do about it? You mentioned several stressors that could well play a part in his feelings and in affecting your relationship.

With the information that's been provided, I think you need to have a serious talk. What does he pinpoint as problems in your relationship? Are there unreslolved problems and issues that need to be addressed? This is the time for serious, frank, honest talk. This is the time to fully understand what the other sees, thinks, believes and what can and should be done about it. Maybe you need some time away together, just the two of you or maybe you need some time apart to focus on your individual problems so that you can have a chance to take care of them and come together better equipped to deal with your relationship. You'll have to be prepared to hear anything during this discussion, whatever you hear is better than not knowing and is a positive step towards moving forward, one way or another. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

cl-2nd_life








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