I need help convincing my ex

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2010
I need help convincing my ex
14
Thu, 12-09-2010 - 3:26pm

Okay so I was with this woman for three years, we were careful with birth control and everything but we'd agreed that if there was an accident she'd just go ahead and get the abortion. Well, the worst happened and she got knocked up. Not the greatest situation but we'd agreed what the solution to this particular problem would be.

Well, then she changes her mind and tells me that she thinks getting an abortion done is "wrong" and she just can't do it. I took a couple days to think this over but then I broke up with her. She can't be trusted, plain and simple.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Thu, 12-09-2010 - 3:30pm

Good grief!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Thu, 12-09-2010 - 3:37pm

:)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2010
Thu, 12-09-2010 - 4:04pm
Hey I'm doing this out of concern for her, there's no real way this is going to hurt me. I figured women might know how to talk her into seeing common sense. Better then men could have, anyway.

She's young and intelligent and has her whole life in front of her. She can barely cover living expenses and tuition as it is and she still has two years of college left before she gets her degree. She's going to sacrifice all of that for a child that isn't even here yet? That's still just a blob the size of my fingernail?

And I never made a demand. I informed her of the choices she has in her continued life without me. (She's proven she can't be trusted, I'll never go back to her.) Raise the child completely alone (one of her parents is dead, the other is disabled and wouldn't be able to help), with all the many problems that that is going to bring her and the child. Or, have an abortion and move on with her life. I don't want anything out of her but an assurance that she understands what she's doing here, and that's where I'm frustrated. She keeps on saying that she's going to get her CS money and that's how she'll get by. I can't make her believe that if she tries to extort me like this I AM going to leave the country and she WILL be on her own.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Thu, 12-09-2010 - 4:40pm

:smileyvery-happy:

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Thu, 12-09-2010 - 5:00pm

troll_2.jpg

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Thu, 12-09-2010 - 5:03pm

What, you don't believe Prince Charming really exists??

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2010
Thu, 12-09-2010 - 5:06pm
I am concerned for her, despite your skepticism. I don't hate her, we just can't be together anymore. I really can't think of anything more important that she could have lied about, and she'd been dishonest for the entire relationship; this was an agreement made before we slept together.

I don't want her to have to drop out of school and get stuck in a series of dead end jobs just to support a child that isn't even here yet. She's had to take my money to get by at times even WITHOUT a child to support. Just because I can't trust her enough to be with her doesn't mean I don't care enough about her to want better for her then this.

Yeah, if it comes down to it, I'm ready to leave. It'd be a pain, but I'll do it. What I was hoping for was someone who agreed with me that, yeah, maybe a college education and being able to take care of herself would be better for her then being a 20 year old single mother with no education and no family. I GET that it's her decision. I just want to be sure that I did everything I could, because she's about to make a monumentally stupid one.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Thu, 12-09-2010 - 5:43pm

This ISN'T about lying.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Thu, 12-09-2010 - 8:34pm

Jkerr-

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2009
Thu, 12-09-2010 - 10:11pm

You know, there is always adoption! Just a thought!

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