I need some thoughts...
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I need some thoughts...
| Sun, 03-19-2006 - 5:04pm |
Hi. My boyfriend of over a year and I have recently been fighting a lot more than usual. Its mostly about things that seem really insignificant, but to me are actually important. For example, last night we were leaving the mall (we drove separately) and he asked if he could borrow one of my receipts so he could get his parking validated. I said, sure, and as we were getting ready to go into the parking garage, I asked for my shopping bags back. He said no, and I was like, yes, give me my bags. Then he was like, no, i'll give them back when we get to the restaurant. I was like, fine, whatever, and I walked off. We got to the restaurant and he gave them back and acted like everything was ok. I did too, cuz we were having dinner with his parents, but then I we were driving to a show and we started talking about it then. I told him that it really bothered me that when I asked for something that belonged to me, he wouldn't give it to me. He tried to defend himself saying that he had to have the bag with the receipt to get the validation. I used to work for the parking garage, and I know thats not true. I told him that and he just started getting even madder because "i dont want him to have discounted parking." I think he should be grateful that I even gave him my receipt, and that he should stop complaining that i didn't want to give him my bag. So I'm just wondering what any of you think. Am I being discourteous by not giving him the bag, or is he being rude for expecting stuff like that from me? I know this sounds like a really dumb situation, but to me it really is a matter of him being ungrateful.

Welcome back, Princelaura85 ~
So what's the deal? Does this kind of control/power struggle happen with him from time to time or is this a first? I can see that he might have been thinking that without bags to back up his receipt it could look suspicious, but then his bags could be in the trunk too, or he could have easily said they were purchases he made for his girlfriend and the bags are in his girlfriend's car..... if his head was in the "need bags to back up receipts" mode, he should have followed his refusal to give them to you with an explanation of why he wanted to keep them. I am guilty of knowing why I want to do something a certain way but somehow my brain jams up and I fail to communicate the reason to my husband/friend/whoever. If that's what happened with him he ought to be able to communicate that with you at this point, something like, "For some reason I was thinking I needed the bags to prove the purchases. I don't know why I didn't say that to you at the time, I just screwed up. I'm sorry, I should have explained it.", would take care of it. The thing is, to me, the incident is petty and it's huge at the same time. If it was a case of his brain thoughts not getting through to his mouth, I could accept it, but you should never have to demand items that belong to you from anyone; they're yours and they should be given over quickly and without argument no matter what. I would bet he wouldn't like it one bit if you had his things and refused to hand them over when he asked for them. If the situation were reversed and I did what he did, I would be unsettled about the incident until I brought it up, explained and apologized for it. I would hope it bothers him too. If I were in your situation I would have to bring it up to him. I would need to understand what the heck happened there and I'd have to let him know that under no circumstances was that acceptable to me. I'd need him to know that couldn't happen again.
I know I already asked, but I want to make sure it doesn't get missed: Has anything that smacks of a control/power issue come up with him before?
~ cl-2nd_life"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"