I need you ladies infinite wisdom

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2001
I need you ladies infinite wisdom
27
Tue, 05-31-2011 - 2:11pm

Hello everyone. I need imput.

I am 44 years old, never married but I've had a good handful of love relationships in my life that I am grateful for and in my twenties I lived with two individuals.

Soliel
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2001
Tue, 05-31-2011 - 11:45pm

Welcome back Lv2breathe ~


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2001
Wed, 06-01-2011 - 12:08am

Lv2breathe, I have to say I'm having a hard time understanding your reason for hanging on -- because at the beginning it was "so right"?


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2001
Wed, 06-01-2011 - 12:16am
Mark, I forgot to say "hi!!!" Nice to see and hear from you again!
Soliel
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2001
Wed, 06-01-2011 - 12:20am
Newlywed~ Thank you for your response. Just to let you know I have no problem with him watching tv at all. I respect that that is what he enjoys. I don't try to stop him I just don't like feeling pressured to do the same when I don't feel like it.
About the recycling, I suppose you are right. It is his right to do as he wishes and I acknowledge that. I just think it's very irresponsible and I almost can't help myself. It's a habit and it just feels weird to not do so I do it and sometimes recycle for him but perhaps I should stop.
Soliel
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2001
Wed, 06-01-2011 - 12:21am
I have many times but he still gets a bit disappointed when I don't want to watch tv. Then I feel guilty for not being a good gf. Yes, I have spoken with him about the fresh air issue and I think he got it. Not about the fear of being his maid, though.
Soliel
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2001
Wed, 06-01-2011 - 12:32am

Musiclover~ Hi. Being in the same room while reading or doing embroidery is not the same for him. He wants me to sit in front and watch the shows with him, no other distractions. As you can see, I've tried to make it so I can do what I like (embroidery) while he watches tv but that hasn't totally worked out.
I am sorry if I seem santimonious. I tell you truthfully, I don't judge those who watch a lot of tv and I said in my post, I do enjoy some shows just not any old show like my bf likes (he scrolls thru the channels to find something). I have been the victim of a true sanctimonious anti-tv person and I promise you, I am not like that! I agree, they are annoying. I was just trying to express how it often feels boring to me, unfullfilling...not because I am some intellectual it really has nothing to do with that. It has to do with my sensibilities and feelings, not any "I am higher than thou" type of stuff.
You gave good advice regarding cooking and housework. As for the athleticism...I don't have to have an athlete. I simply want my bf to exercise and go outdoors sometimes! He doesn't have to be a major exerciser just enough so we can do more fun things. That would be nice.
Soliel
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2001
Wed, 06-01-2011 - 12:36am
Musiclover~ A quick comment about my dogs. Yes, of course, they are MY dogs so they are MY responsibility. I am just saying, though, if were sick and really in need of help, would he help? I think if you are a couple or married, you sort of do help with many responsibilites in an emergency. I would help his dog/pet if it he was sick even though it might not be MY pet because I care for him and he is in need. I just ask this question because I wonder how far he'd go to help me. I help him all the time now...do his dishes, help him carryin groceries and even recycle for him but he has done none of these things for me. I am beginning to believe that is how it is with most men. Helping out very little around the house and I wonder what it would be like to live with him.
Soliel
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2001
Wed, 06-01-2011 - 12:39am
2nd life...the reason is because he still keeps loneliness at bay, still can be a good companion, is still a friend to me and we have a lot of shared memories and history by now. Also, he is very noble, very intelligent, very supportive, has accepted me in deep ways that is very important to me, generous financially (when we go out), is veg (not easy to find), knows how to cook and makes very healthy meals (which is important to me), has an interesting mind that made me fall in love with him, is actually very sweet and sensitive and I trust him with finances. Oh, and I trust him emotionally, too and I know he loves me.
So there is a lot of good still...
Soliel
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2001
Wed, 06-01-2011 - 1:17am


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Wed, 06-01-2011 - 10:06am

The way you describe him, he sounds like a very good friend, but not a good partner who will offer you harmony at home. As 2nd_life says, this relationship was great for the period when you'd expect any relationship with any chemistry whatsoever to be great (the first few months) but it's not turning out to be the relatioship that you wanted.

When people hold on for reasons like the ones you gave... Companionship, friendship, support, etc.... While at first they seem like good reasons they all point to one word: Attachment.

I think you are attached to the comfort and dynamic of the relationship you have, even if it doesn't really make you happy. This is the kind of relationship that, I believe, feels "comfortable" when it's at its best. That doesn't mean it's bad, it just means you can't really expect a high degree of happiness or compatibility. You know what you're getting, after this long,