i really dont get it

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2003
i really dont get it
2
Tue, 06-06-2006 - 5:44pm
My last boyfriend said i was emotionless at one point in the relashionship, i can understand why he said that as i didnt like him at all at the time however my new boyfriend who iv been dating for fours months have said it feels like i am as well. Because of the little things which i dont do. And that hes never had this problem with his ex's as they all were quite affectinate with him. This really depressed me and made me pissed off. I noticed it a while back, howeveer when he told me the first time i relised it and tried changing my ways and i did notice a difference when i was with him and i thought he noticed it too BUT he brang it up today again. I tell him how much he means to me and try do more of the little things, i even thought i would surprise him and buy tickets for a gig with a band he liked howeveer it seems as wateva i do is not enuf. HELP!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
Tue, 06-06-2006 - 6:59pm

Being a little more affectionate by being aware of your actions and their impact is possible, but if it is never good enough, then, stop trying to change who you are and find someone that loves you. Simple as that. Going into a relationship based on what you hope to change to be or you hope he'll change to be is a 100% guaranteed failure. In the end you are who you are....everyone can pretend for awhile, but in the end you will return to your true nature.

Best wishes, P.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-07-2006 - 2:19am

I agree with Orangecuse44, you can't change yourself because of what someone else wants or thinks, the important question is, how do you feel about the way you interact with your boyfriends? Are you happy and satisfied? Do you feel like you're being natural with them? If so, it's a matter of finding the right match for yourself -- someone who enjoys who your are without needing you to change.


Question though. You said, "i can understand why he said that as i didnt like him at all at the time", why would you be with someone you didn't like at all? Do you think you're treating your new boyfriend the same way you treated the boyfriend you didn't like? What specifically does he think you should be doing that you're not doing now? What does he do for you along those same lines?








~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"