I think he has an eating disorder

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2006
I think he has an eating disorder
15
Fri, 11-11-2011 - 12:23am
He says he eats enough but I don't see him eat very much at all. Almost entirely lean meat with mustard, no oils, no veggies, no carbs. He has gone from about 215 to 165 in a couple of months. He started out at over 300 lbs before I met him but stayed between 190 and 215 or so until now. He is losing muscle mass and feels really bony to me. He admitted that even his doctor had expressed concern, but he still calls himself fat all the time. He used to do a "re-feed" every Saturday and have a burger and fries or something, but he no longer does that. I'm starting to worry.

Pages

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Fri, 11-11-2011 - 2:25am

I would say there's not much doubt that your thinking is correct.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Fri, 11-11-2011 - 9:08am

Your post stuck out to me because I have struggled with an eating disorder myself. You are right that something is really really wrong here.... The fact that he calls himself "fat" is disturbing and really what takes this situation over the edge into a very dangerous place. If he honestly thinks he is fat, then he is going to do whatever it takes to try to be "not fat".

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Fri, 11-11-2011 - 12:39pm

Regarding your search for professionals .... one of my co-workers is a licensed therapist.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Fri, 11-11-2011 - 1:49pm

Interesting about your daughter... But from our perspective, you're trying to use brute force ("no more mustard") on someone who is not able to give up the small things that give her comfort (using a zero calorie spread) because she's not ready to confront the fact that these near-trivial items are part of a much larger picture.

You're going to get nowhere with that tactic, maybe it makes you feel better to say "no more mustard" like you're enforcing a rule that's going to have an impact on her, but she will find a justification for doing what she's doing until she's ready to take a look at the larger perspective. You're giving mustard a lot of significance, and I understand your reasoning for doing that, but this can't be a battle between YOUR significant issues and HER significant issues. You're fighting her, and you can't do that. Her reality is completely different from yours. It's like fighting the same thing in two different dimensions, two different realities.

I'm not trying to play devil's advocate. I've just spent a lot of time in her position and I know that whatever you say to her, whatever rules you make, whatever reasons you give (however logical), they are all going to bounce off, or have the opposite effect.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Fri, 11-11-2011 - 3:10pm

I came back to apologize - I think I am hijacking this thread and I don't mean to make it about myself or to criticise other people. It is just an issue that is important to me. I'll try to stay on topic :) I hope the OP comes back and gives her thoughts.

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Fri, 11-11-2011 - 4:11pm

I understand Crab.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Fri, 11-11-2011 - 4:55pm

I'm really glad things are going well. Sorry for getting super-sensitive with you there. I hope she sees some improvement before Christmas.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2006
Mon, 11-14-2011 - 11:36pm
Ok, I talked to him about my worries and he says now that he is ready to start maintaining his weight and eating more. We will see if he does that or not, but all I can go by now is what he tells me.
Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Tue, 11-15-2011 - 9:50pm

I hope he's successful, but you probably know as well as I that it will likely take outside help to make a significant difference, and to deal with the issue that brought him to his eating disorder.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2006
Tue, 11-15-2011 - 11:05pm
I hope so too. He says he wants to build some muscle and he knows he can't do that on a caloric deficit, so here's hoping. He's doing well so far.

Pages