I think I'm done , but how do I get out?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-1999
I think I'm done , but how do I get out?
11
Wed, 12-06-2006 - 2:06pm

I'v posted here before, on Oct 2. if there is any way to see that old post. It was about the same old issues with my husband of 3 years. CHILDREN!!!

When I last posted I was 5 months pregnant and very hormonal and angry because I was having a difficult pregnancy and very scared because of having 3 miscarriages and feeling that my husband was only interested in the well being of the baby and didnt' care a whip about me except for being the uterus that his baby was housed in.

Well guess what? I lost that baby too. I lost her on Nov 2. My water broke at 6 months and I gave birth to her. She was too young to live and much to premature to be saved. This broke my heart and hurt me more than anything in the world ever has. I lost my father 10 years earlier and I'm sorry dad but losing my baby hurt me even more than losing you!

My marriage is now in shreds. For 2 weeks we were both devastated over the loss of our daughter, whom we named and had cremated, but then my stupid husband started up again about the KID ISSUE!!! He doesn't want me getting pregnant again because it's too hard on my body and my mind, (gee thanks for noticing honey!) but he really wants to adopt. I agreed to look into adoption, and so far I\'m not interested. We've gone to 2 meetings, 1 class, and I'v read more books than he has on adoption in the last year, and I'v also learned that 50% of couples who look into adoption decide it is not for them, so there is NOTHING WRONG WITH ME!!! But he gets very upset whenever I tell him that I don't think that I want to go through the rollercoaster process of adoption. He gets very depressed, and starts talking about what little we have in common, and how he's made so many mistakes in life that he can't take back. I'm believing that by "mistakes" he means marrying ME, although he wont' admit that when I ask, he just gets silent.

Well you knnow what? I'm sick of this! I'm heartbroken over losing my baby, and heartbroken that I can't carry a pregnancy and would be open to adopting an OLDER CHILD if I was in a more stable marriage. But I feel that he cannot be happy if he's not a father, and I can't live with him being so unhappy (and blaming me) for the rest of my life. I'm heartbroken that this marriage is over, because I do love him very much and care about his well being, but I can't do this anymore and I want out!

We just bought a house together and I don't know how to go about divorcing or splitting up assets, what does this all mean? I'm also just deep down hoping that he will change his mind, to be honest, I'm hoping that if I leave him, he will decide that I am more important than children, although I guess it's doubtful that it will happen that way, but I can still hope can't I? Sorry this is so long. But what steps do I take to get out and be happy again?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 12-11-2006 - 1:29am
Birdee, I've been trying to reply to your email, but my email has been returned - twice now. I've just sent another email, tried going through your member profile instead of directly from my email. Let me know if you get it -- or if you don't, okay?







~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
When you don't get what you want"

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"

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